battles

i am having the time of my life. or maybe i woke up on the right side of the bed just this once... it's my roommie's birthday and i am guilty of sleeping through part of our surprise party for her. i have an exam coming up tomorrow. studying for it had really been a struggle all week. i had been battling with splitting headaches and laziness, that is, the lure of my bed.

these are the things that occupied my mind and my week:

• depression
• creative shot
• fellowships
• cs 140 machine problem
• eee 8 exam
• thesis project presentation (which was moved to wednesday, thank God!)
• surprise for roommie
• pi 100 debate (which i finally decided skip yesterday but had been moved to monday) and field trip to banahaw on sunday (which will take me away from church and from the mp which we plan to submit on that day to receive extra credit)

less is more.

her claim

the one in white claims...

18 "Come now, let us reason together,"
says the LORD.
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool

Isaiah 1:18 (New International Version)

birthday ni lisa

Start:

Jul 28, '05

dcf missions ga

Start:

Aug 3, '05

bday ni aldous

Start:

Aug 21, '05

pi 100 debate

Start:	Jul 28, '05 5:30p
End:	Jul 28, '05 7:00p

bday ni dominic

Start:

Aug 23, '05

bday ni lavinia

Start:

Aug 19, '05

bday ni mary

Start:

Aug 21, '05

bday ni popol

Start:

Aug 6, '05

bday ni erika

Start:

Aug 16, '05

Bible study

Start:	Jul 29, '05 9:00a
Location:	navs tambayan

thesis project presentation

Start:

Aug 3, '05

phantom of the opera

Start:	Jul 29, '05 5:00p
Location:	fc

grad pic

Start:	Jul 28, '05 11:30a
End:	Jul 28, '05 1:00p
Location:	nec 212-213

cs 140 1st exam

Start:	Aug 9, '05 1:00p
End:	Aug 9, '05 2:30p
Location:	mh 215

triple point

at four degrees
one entity exists
in three states...
ice, liquid and vapor.

three persons...
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,
but one God.

pop-up

your bouncy walk

and your close-up smile

-- these are things i have

not seen in a while.

hey, it's not that

i miss you.

but parting adds delight in

how you reach me

where minds meet.

monsterrific

a monster appears...
he roars onscreen and
i laugh in turn.
no longer do i shut him out,
but receive him with warmth.
broken no more,
i pick up the pieces
and glue them with coffee.
who cares how i hang on
to my sanity?
roaring big brothers
make very cute monsters.

birthday ni sansu

Start:

Jul 27, '05

visions

i've been meaning to write about the weekend's events much earlier, but i couldn't seem to. a vision came to pass and triggered another event, another vision to fulfilment. i've been dreading it since summer, praying against it even. you see, it's about possibly losing my mom. last saturday, she was with my sister and nikki, her partner in crime, and they had a car accident. when they were making a U turn, a vehicle hit the one they were riding. nikki and my mom immediately confirmed they were okay, but ate rizza just groaned. she was covered with blood, mud, and shards of glass. someone offered to take them to the hospital, but they left nikki behind to take care of the insurance of the car. they wasted a number of hours at the medical center in east ave. they waited and waited before they were attended to. they did not even clean her wounds. she underwent an x-ray twice. when they decided to transfer her to pgh, the results of the x-ray turned out wrong so she didn't need hand surgery. a finger or two were fractured. as for my mom, she went for a check-up the day after. her face experienced trauma and her vision blurred.

as for me, i only learned these details on sunday night. i met my mom for dinner and had my second outburst in a public place so far. i almost lost two members of my family, but i regained a friend in the process. actually, it was more like i remembered that i have a friend in nathan. i spent the saturday night going through his story for his creative writing class. i was too preoccupied to worry too much about the accident and i am so thankful for that. we communicated through texting on sunday. for some reason, he was the only one i could really open up to at that time about what happened and what i was going through. i've yet to thank him for his prayers.

verses that struck me are...

For you, O LORD, have delivered

my soul from death,

my eyes from tears,

my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk before the LORD

in the land of the living.

Psalm 116:8-9

and

pray continually; give thanks in

all circumstances, for this is God's will

for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:17-18

did i mention that the car was totally wrecked? it truly is a miracle that they're alive. they are in His hands. there's no safer place. =)

kalcf-ycf joint fellowship

Start:	Jul 26, '05 7:00p
End:	Jul 26, '05 10:00p

CE

Start:	Jul 21, '05 3:30p
End:	Jul 21, '05 4:00p

navs classroom evangelism

CE

Start:	Jul 21, '05 11:00a
End:	Jul 21, '05 11:30a

navs classroom evangelism

nav training

Start:

Jul 27, '05

thesis related lit

Start:	Jul 23, '05
Location:	nec 414

birthday ni ate charm

Start:

Jul 19, '05

gripping God's Word

cs 130 mp deadline

Start:

Aug 12, '05

A Tear and a Smile

Kahlil Gibran

I would not exchange the sorrows of my heart
for the joys of the multitude.
And I would not have the tears that sadness makes
to flow from my every part turn into laughter.

I would that my life remain a tear and a smile.

A tear to purify my heart and give me understanding
of life's secrets and hidden things.
A smile to draw me nigh to the sons of my kind
and to be a symbol of my glorification of the gods.

A tear to unite me with those of broken heart;
a smile to be a sign of my joy in existence.

I would rather that I died in yearning
and longing than that I live weary and despairing.

I want the hunger for love and beauty to be in the depths of my spirit,
for I have seen those who are satisfied the most wretched of people.
I have heard the sigh of those in yearning and longing,
and it is sweeter than the sweetest melody.

With evening's coming the flower folds her petals and sleeps, embracing her longing.
At morning's approach she opens her lips to meet the sun's kiss.

The life of a flower is longing and fulfilment.
A tear and a smile.

The waters of the sea become vapor and rise and come together and are a cloud.

And the cloud floats above the hills and valleys until it meets the gentle breeze, then falls weeping to the fields and joins with brooks and rivers to return to the sea, its home.

The life of clouds is a parting and a meeting.
A tear and a smile.

And so does the spirit become separated from
the greater spirit to move in the world of matter
and pass as a cloud over the mountain of sorrow
and the plains of joy to meet the breeze of death
and return whence it came.

To the ocean of Love and Beauty----to God.

strike two

a reccurring nightmare
that is what you bring
until wisdom and mercy's coming
the sting of pain lurks hauntingly
disturbing the calmness within
unceasingly resurfacing.

molave christian movement

http://www.geocities.com/dormschristianfellowship/mcmpage.html

Scar

...That is the way it is with the wound. The wound begins to close in on itself, to protect what is hurting so much. And once it is closed, you no longer see what is underneath, what started the pain.

~AN-MEI HSU, The JOY LUCK CLUB by Amy Tan

birthday ni lisa

Start:

Jul 18, '05

birthday ni charlie

Start:

Jul 18, '05

birthday ni ate joy

Start:

Jul 15, '05

birthday ni marriam

Start:

Jul 17, '05

finding neverland

Start:	Jul 28, '05 5:00p
Location:	up fc

birthday ni daril

Start:

Jul 15, '05

guess who

Start:

Jul 26, '05 5:00p

birthday ni fredd

Start:

Jul 15, '05

classroom evangelism

Start:	Jul 15, '05 8:00a
End:	Jul 15, '05 10:00a
Location:	stat 106

cs 140 mp deadline

Start:

Aug 5, '05 5:00p

field trip

Start:	Jul 31, '05
Location:	banahaw

eee 8 1st exam

Start:

Jul 30, '05

sugarfree concert

Start:	Jul 29, '05
Location:	bahay ng alumni

birthday ni jaydee

Start:

Jul 12, '05

no one

no one saw my unshed tears
no one heard my silent scream
no one imagined the reality of my anguish
no one healed my wounded soul.

no one.
but Jesus.

intramuros

the walled city

picky pics

http://flickr.com/photos/picky_pics

shifting sand

http://annaj.blogs.friendster.com/reality_bites/

I Like For You To Be Still

Pablo Neruda

I like for you to be still
It is as though you are absent
And you hear me from far away
And my voice does not touch you

It seems as though your eyes had flown away
And it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth
As all things are filled with my soul
You emerge from the things
Filled with my soul
You are like my soul
A butterfly of dream
And you are like the word: Melancholy

I like for you to be still
And you seem far away
It sounds as though you are lamenting
A butterfly cooing like a dove
And you hear me from far away
And my voice does not reach you

Let me come to be still in your silence
And let me talk to you with your silence
That is bright as a lamp
Simple, as a ring
You are like the night
With its stillness and constellations
Your silence is that of a star
As remote and candid

I like for you to be still
It is as though you are absent
Distant and full of sorrow
So you would've died
One word then,
One smile is enough
And I'm happy;
Happy that it's not true

picky pics

twin sisters

post grad

playground

ashes

you go where i cannot reach you
unless i step into the flames
and beg you to come with me
you walk into destruction
i wish i could stop you
but i can only watch
as the wind blows
your ashes

wonderland

i stepped into
a world so enchanting
of music so alive
it's exhilarating
i feel the rush
of blood returning
and marvel
at the privelege
of basking in the presence
of the gifted.

road map

everything posted here is of significance in my life. either in the past or present...