feels like home... NOT!

where is home?
it was supposed to be HERE.

kulungan

Ang pinakamasaklap kapag nagmahal ka ay iyong di mo maipakita, hindi mo maipadama...

Magmahal Muli

by Sam and Say

Umaasang magmamahal muli
Ang buong akala ko'y sya na
Kabiguan ang napala
Panghilom ng puso'y hindi madali
Ang malaman mahal mo'y
Walang pag ibig sayo

Ang umasang magmamahal muli
Syang magagawa
Huwag hanapin ang pag ibig
Ito'y darating
Ito'y darating
Ito'y darating sayo

Hanggang sa tayo'y magtagpo
Sa kabiguan natamo
Kaya ako ay maghihintay
Sa tunay kong mahal
Isipin ang bukas at kalimutan ang nakalipas

Ang umasang magmamahal muli
Syang magagawa
Huwag hanapin ang pag ibig
Ito'y darating sayo
Aking naranasan

Ang pagluha tulad ng sa ulan
Ang umasang magmamahal muli
Syang magagawa
Huwag hanapin ang pag ibig
Ito'y darating

Ang umasang magmamahal muli
Syang magagawa
Huwag hanapin ang pag ibig
Ito'y darating, ito'y darating..
Ito'y darating sayo

Ito'y darating sayo.

christmas time

Gabrielle

It had all been said in one form or another...
She could not give me what I wanted of her. There
was nothing I could do to make her what she
would not be. And the truly terrible part was this:
she really didn't want anything of me! She was
asking me to come because she felt the
obligation to do so. Pity, sadness -- maybe those
were also reasons. But what she really wanted
was to be free.

(The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice)



she sounds a lot like me...

pale

i just saw a ghost.













the ghost of you.

scarlet

A SORTA FAIRYTALE finds Scarlet back in LA with a man she has convinced herself is her life's soul mate. "They take the big trip in the classic car up the Pacific Coast highway and across the desert. But as they go on, the masks drop away and they discover the fantasy they have of each other isn't who they really are." They end up back where they started and Scarlet leaves. "They did care. But somehow they lost each other. Which is why it's only A Sorta Fairytale..."
-- Scarlet's Walk bio

"I think that there is a place where she [Scarlet] realizes that people come in and out of your life. Sometimes for a day, sometimes for longer. And all of them make you what you are. You can't separate these people out of you. They form who you are. Even the ones that you kind of say well...you know, I don't know if I wanna be formed by them anymore. (laughs) But you are in some way. You are. That's why, maybe, you don't have to look at them so harshly because they have effected you. At the end, though, you know...it's us as individuals with our...mm...with our love for the land. For something untangible, that when soulmates come and go, you're never alone even when you're standing just you in your shoes, because you carry them with you."
-- Scarlet Stories CD

"...You don't know how you are losing each other and you're sitting right in front of each other in plain view, but you can't seem to make it work. And that's why it's a 'sort of' fairy tale, because she wasn't a princess."
--Tori; MTV.com News, 09/23/02

left behind

seeing locked cabinets,
empty beds, and sealed boxes
has a sobering effect.

feeling the same way

The thought of you still makes me smile
When it doesn't make me cry
The Lord gave
If He wills, He shall take away.

falling apart

i finally figured it out... angst. that's what my li'l bro and my big sis were trying to convey. it's weird how people think i am the silent one. my tongue cuts flesh. holding it is like gripping a blade. i am the most lethal among us. but i had known what it's like to be at the mercy of... thing is, i also know grace.

sour?!

scarlet, your flavor is Sour

Don't get us wrong here — you're no Gloomy Gus. Quite the opposite in fact, you add a unique and scintillating twist everywhere you go. And we bet the places you go and the things you do are pretty edgy and interesting to boot.

A sharp and stylish classic, you never go out of style. Your fashionable ways show through in everything you do. From your choice of clothes to your favorite restaurants to your top movies and books, you've got a good sense of self and what you like and don't like. And that's a great way to go about getting exactly what you want out of life. Rock on!

So, what's your thing?

acknowledge

accept knowledge?

What's Your Cinderella Story?

In your Cinderella story, you'd get to Kiss the Prince

You don't need the pouffy dress, the fancy hair, or the 3-inch glass heels. A romantic soul like you just wants a guy who's a true companion, a good friend, a real prince. And if he's hot? All the better. But ultimately, you know that home is where the heart is. Which is probably why you surround yourself with good friends you can take care of and laugh with — friends who will do the same for you.

But that doesn't keep you from fantasizing about the perfect relationship. It's not that you don't have your feet firmly planted on the ground. It's just that you're not afraid to shoot high. Or wish upon a shooting star. So keep reaching for your goals, Cinderella. If you do, your happily ever after can't be far away. And you can seal that with a kiss.

connect the dots

radars busy with signals
raised eyebrows
mouths open in surprise
then shovels dig up
from experience
to pass on wisdom.

famous last words

Famous Last Words
by Jars of Clay

You say you heard every word, but I watched you turn away
Your eyes grew colder than winter
Love is so intrusive, I thought I heard you say
And laugh so unconvincingly

Famous last words, I’m not ready yet
I won’t be gone a minute

Narrow is the road and too high a price to pay
When loneliness is such a sanctuary
Empty are the musings and wasted are the days
When you say you were only waiting

And famous last words, I’m not ready yet
I won’t be gone a minute and I won’t forget
Famous last words
If tomorrow never comes, will I ever know that I was in love?

I was in love
In love

You say you heard every word, I watched you turn away
You were only waiting

missing you

in spite of everything that happened, i miss you. "out of sight, out of mind" doesn't work for me. i guess this is what letting go is... looking back then moving forward knowing you won't be by my side.

famous last words

Famous Last Words
by Jars of Clay

You say you heard every word, but I watched you turn away
Your eyes grew colder than winter
Love is so intrusive, I thought I heard you say
And laugh so unconvincingly

Famous last words, "I’m not ready yet"
"I won’t be gone a minute"

Narrow is the road and too high a price to pay
When loneliness is such a sanctuary
Empty are the musings and wasted are the days
When you say you were only waiting

And famous last words, "I’m not ready yet"
"I won’t be gone a minute" and "I won’t forget"
Famous last words
If tomorrow never comes, will I ever know that I was in love?

I was in love
In love

You say you heard every word, I watched you turn away
You were only waiting

a heart gone cold

all i see is her pain and your failure. do not expect me to be nice. you don't know what you're asking. i will not mask my contempt. they said that to disrespect your girl is to disrespect you. so be it. you do not deserve hero worship. not even close.

can't

my buddy asked me to meet you in his place. i can't. i lack the strength and the courage to face you, to face reality. you don't love me. i know. i don't need to hear you say it again. be it another brutal frisbee illustration or something akin to the i-don't-want-to-see-you-get-hurt effect. no matter how hard you tried to be sensitive, it wouldn't have been any less painful. he insisted that i see you in order to close the circle. to forget. i can't. not yet. not when i don't understand any of it. i don't deserve the deception. you didn't trust me with the truth. i had to find out what little i know on my own. you didn't treat me like a friend or a sister in Christ. you don't know my worth. i was bought with blood.