breaking the silence

The dark is generous, and it is patient and it always wins; but in the heart of its strength lies weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back. Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars.

~ Revenge of the Sith by Matthew Stover

like i said, i love you anyway and i miss you a lot. i hope i could find that book for you. :)

yoda lines

The fear of loss is a path to the dark side... Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.

how? by having faith in the One who is sovereign over our lives.

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

(1 Peter 5:7)

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

(Philippians 4:6-7)

it's only when we learn to surrender everything to the Lord that we are freed from the shackles of our fears. sometimes we are so consumed by our emotions that we ovelook His infinitude. we forget that He knows no bounds, that whatever God is and all that God is, He is without limit. nothing is beyond Him.

we learn as we go.

i don't feel so stupid and alone anymore.

counting my blessings

1. a heart that can worship in spite of the seemingly overwhelming weariness
2. feet that don't give way to fainting yet
3. fellowship with the mcmovers and those who joined us
4. a faithful friend who helped me get through the day
5. cyberspace and the freedom of expression that comes with it
6. insights from the life of a dreamer
7. a bed that's always welcoming
8. a phone that stubbornly alerts me of the time, of things to do, and of people to meet
9. peace that surpasses all understanding
10. love that's overflowing
    

misery loves company.

thank you for the little things
that you do for me
it's nice to have someone
who listens to my rants over a drink,
takes a walk with me in the afternoon sunshine,
makes copies of the books for me,
walks me home,
and waits for me to finish.
i realized it wasn't a one-way thing
because you needed a friend,
just like me.

stabilize me

when the world around me makes me dizzy
they say it helps to focus on one thing
that's enough to keep me on my feet

heuristic

something that's helpful but not guaranteed to work.

i (don't) know

i don't know how tomorrow's gonna go. i don't know where i'll be stealing time to eat lunch. and if i'll have to fly to eng'g right after my first class. i don't know if i'll get to study for all three subjects and for tomorrow's meeting with the clients tonight since i just got home. i don't know if i'll have enough energy for my night class. i don't have everything planned. but i know He will sustain me.

off-balance

Sometimes, to do what's right, we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams.

~ Peter Parker, Spiderman 2

one thing about me that needs a lot of work is balance. in dancing, it involves everything from tucking in your stomach to not looking at your feet. in bouldering, it concerns momentum. but in real life, it requires discipline and discernment. priorities, responsibilities, relationships. all these need to be alloted time and energy. i need wisdom to be in equilibrium...

i just got the files for the project, the readings for philo 10, and the eee 9 book today. i'm leaving for the execore meeting after this post. and we're finalizing the requirements of the database project tomorrow. sigh.

yey!

after four malls since yesterday, i finally have jazz shoes! and they fit perfectly. ^_^

i praise God for granting me my dream pe (other than sports climbing): mothern jazz. i died after our second meeting, but i think my body had somehow adjusted to the activity since. and we started doing walks and all the fun stuff last time. joan and i are in the class together. we went hunting for jazz shoes from shang to megamall to robinsons galleria to robinsons metro east. i found a pair that fit and i was running late for the sunset service so i went ahead of her instead of accompanying her to sta lucia. the cool thing about our friendship is its authenticity. there's no pretense of willingness to always be there for each other. there are no expectations either. no overdependence. we just do what we can.

heaven

joan: duet namo ni doms.
janna: gisayaw namo ni doms.

=p

medyo mainit ako kanina.

mainit ka pa rin, magpagaling ka.

haaayyyyyy...

siomai

.
.



ang sarap noh?



tissue 'yan. =p

the missions exposure trip in a nutshell

the calling.

Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?" Then I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

(Isaiah 6:8)

asking for permission.

on my first attempt more than a year ago, i was told, "next time." little did my parents know that they would keep their word. even though each time i tried to ask for their permission, they added a new condition, that didn't hinder me from going. on my nth attempt on the sunday after the deadline for confirmation, they said yes.

the preparation.

a month of meditation on experiencing joy in spite of trials. i was afraid that joy wouldn't be manifested in me given my emotional state at that time. i found it so difficult to pack, thinking that i couldn't possibly be of any use at the missions trip.

fears.

i was afraid of going out of my way to talk to strangers, even handing out tracts seemed like a scary job.

no fear nor shame.

I, even I, am He who comforts you
Who are you that you are afraid of man who dies
And of the son of man who is made like grass

(Isaiah 51:12)

If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels.

(Mark 8:38)

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.

(Romans 1:16)

the harvest.

The LORD has bared His holy arm
In the sight of all the nations,
That all the ends of the earth may see
The salvation of our God...
For the LORD will go before you,
And the God of Israel will be your rear guard.

(Isaiah 52:10, 12)

i witnessed how the Lord worked in preparing the missions team, the hearts of the people, and the place. lucban was so ripe for the gospel and i had the honor of being called to harvest.

Moment Made For Worshipping

Steven Curtis Chapman

6:30 Monday morning
I'm here hiding in my bed
A song plays on my alarm clock
As I cover up my head
And somewhere in the distance
I remember yesterday
Singing "Hallelujah"
Full of wonder, awe and grace
But now I'm just wondering
Why I don't feel anything
At all

This is a moment made for worshipping
Cause this is a moment I'm alive
And this is a moment I was made to sing
A song of living sacrifice
For every moment that I live and breathe
This is a moment made for worshipping

...

When I'm feeling loved and happy
When I'm feeling all alone
When I'm failing to remember
All the love that I've been shown
Every single beat of my heart
Is another new place to start
To know

This is a moment made for worshipping
Cause this is a moment I'm alive
And this is a moment I was made to sing
A song of living sacrifice
For every moment that I live and breathe
This is a moment made for worshipping

Every single beat of my heart
Is another new place to start
Right now

This is a moment made for worshipping
Cause this is a moment I'm alive
And this is a moment I was made to sing
A song of living sacrifice
For every moment that I live and breathe
This is a moment made for worshipping

From the rising of the sun
To the setting the sun
The name of the Lord is worthy to be praised

this song is largely responsible for my waking up early and turning into a morning person. i was such a sleepyhead before and i usually heard it playing upon waking up last semester. it struck me that i wasn't a very good steward of time. i hope the change helps in that area. after all, He is worthy of every second that passes and so much more. and i find rest and strength in Him.

wind talk

don't look down when you're walking... i don't want to picture you like that.

it sounds so sweet. me thinks he really loves you. ^_^

compensation

Search[ing] compensates for lack of knowledge.
Knowledge compensates for lack of search[ing].

[from 5 LAWS OF INTELLIGENT ACTION]

morning person

i'm up 'til morning
and i actually wake up in the morning.
so when do i sleep?
whenever i can.

could you please be supportive?

just this once?

no more writer's block

but no missions updates either... you'll have to wait 'til next week or so. we'll be leaving for the dcf camp tonight and i'll start working on monday.

double meaning

buwan.

unspoken

when my lips fall silent,
my eyes speak.

my emergency kit

• inhaler
• m&m's
• prayer

change isn't

change isn't the only constant thing in life.

God is.

someone like me

if i move

like i'm dancing,

then you laugh

like you're singing.

now what?

it's over! well, almost... i'm done preenlisting. i finally had the guts to approach our department chairman today. he enlisted me in cs 280 (information systems) but he still has to check if it's allowed as a substitute for cs 155 (compiler construction). i'll find out by the end of the week...

i accepted the job offer to be a research engineer. i know at least two people who are also working on the project. what influenced my decision was my friend's sudden appearance at the airport with the book i need: access 2000 for dummies. i think it's God's providence. i read through it while waiting in line at the cashier's office. at the time i was thinking that learning a new programming language would be a plus in my resume even if i didn't accept the job offer. now that i did, i'm actually excited. i prefer databases over the rest of the stuff we have to program and this will enhance whatever skill i probably possess. i don't know how the juggling act will go with my acad load and the leadership and everything. but i found comfort in something my mentor sent me a long time ago...

we know nothing of the future but this: the Lord God is there.

pierced

the previous semester was a really scary journey. i got pulled out of my comfort zone. and i had no idea what to do. i remember sobbing about feeling unloved and being incapable of loving. and the Lord answered me. then others came into my life and met my needs. they weren't people i just met. but they used to be just names and faces. all that changed. and changed me in the process.

love is a powerful weapon, it pierces the strongest armor of apathy.

that's my definition of love. it sounds like warfare. it is. the battle between grace and pride. does that line sound familiar? it's from worlds apart by jars of clay. but pride isn't my only problem. numbness also is. sometimes. but their steadfast love i experienced penetrated the core of my being. i can only imagine the difficulty of having to scale the walls of a fortress instead of merely crossing a bridge. i hope they found the effort worthwhile. because i know the bridges that were built will withstand the test of time.

if's

i need to look for a subject that can be a substitute for cs 155 if i want to graduate next semester and if the department allows it. and if so, it might be one of those 6-9pm masteral subjects.

then there's the job offer, which i may or may not be qualified for and which i may or may not accept.

kids, are you ready to take over?

or is this going to be a battle between duty and dreams?

decisions decisions...

let's hope i don't do something stupid.

shucks...

i have a new job offer. it involves database programming in access/VB and mysql. i have to decide in the next few hours. if i take this job and i get accepted, the next three months will be a race against time. it will rob me of the time to think about other things. i'll have to learn at access or VB and master mysql in the next few days.

what am i getting myself into?

writer's block

the missions updates will have to be posted next week. i'm having trouble writing...