turned tables

some events shock you beyond your wildest imagination. the one who seemed to have moved on won't let go and so on. when should relationships be put on hold?

then there are events that took their time coming. the ones involved must be so full, having eaten a lot of words. my opinion regarding this? someone's taking advantage of attachment. it might as well be incest.

just a question... why do some people insist that you spill in the name of accountability then commit a breach of trust? how come the rules change when we're discussing their lives?

decoding guy talk

"nagtitipid ako" is akin to "i have a girlfriend."

am i right or am i right? =p

i want...

• a cloak ala jedi or elven archer
• rock shoes
• digicam
• an ipod
• a cap
• an niv study Bible
• raymond feist books
• dance lessons
• fat cat
  
• siberian husky (puppy)
  
• a tiger cub
  
• kahon
• an acoustic guitar
• a grand piano
  
• a blue rose
  
• wild yellow flowers
  

dominic's party

the hunger site

http://www.thehungersite.com

third eye blind

i cleansed my room upon returning from watching a movie. i didn't want to be alone with the demons tonight. i feel uncomfortable whenever i sense their presence. i don't know how many there were. but these are the forms they took according to previous and present inhabitants of B4... the kid, the old woman, and the looming dark shadow of a man. the roles... the chatter (ym), the doorkeeper, the bedspacer, the conversationalist, and the strangler. the last one, i like least.

banahaw

3am

i can't sleep. the memories come rushing with a flood of tears. i tried to walk away so many times. but i cannot sever the bond. cannot rip out a piece of me. i find myself asking the same thing i wrote at the start of the sem...

what is your life like?
without me in it
is it fuller
or less sweet?
you blessed mine
when i felt incomplete
now everything is changed
i want you near me
no more.

you are like a hurricane
i didn't see you coming
never knew you would be earth-shattering
you sucked the air out of my lungs
and my heart races to keep breathing
you pushed me off a cliff
somehow i held on
and climbed my way back up
but not without cuts and bruises.

i am not scarred
i bleed still.

you keep telling me to take care of myself. you said you don't want to see me get hurt and you're sorry you caused me pain. but none of those words spared me from wracking sobs in the shower or sleepless nights like this.

in between

i'm happy that we actually talked face to face after a month of pretentious happy messages. wednesday's lunch-time chat was warm and real. been hiding in my comfort zones before, fearful of running into him and doing something i might regret. what happened was totally unplanned, but i believe God orchestrated that and prepared our hearts beforehand. take note, it was just a chat. no soul-baring talks. but it's the first step to the restoration of a broken relationship. a deep friendship.

i don't know if i should delight in the fact that he still runs to me when in need. i think his girl should be the one helping him out. i'm in this state wherein i know i should not abandon him, but i can't go out of my way to support him because it violates my convictions. i believe it's not my place. i don't want to be forced to do something and resent him for it. my place as his friend isn't that of a doormat. i'm not the kind of person who stays anywhere against my will. i'm too stubborn for the whole martyr effect.

i wish he would stop depending on me so i could let him go easily. i want a break from his life for a few months so i could move on.

life is tough. but we cope. the strongest instinct is that of survival.

shhh...

sworn silence.

derfism

new word: eigen-o-phobic. a condition experienced by most of my batchmates in kalcf.

your move.

my silent tormentor speaks. desperation brought them at my door. but i cannot understand what i do not know. be it a need or a crime.

a thought to ponder

i woke up this morning with this in mind... love is the most powerful weapon. it pierces even the strongest armor of apathy. i'm sure i read it somewhere. but i'm still figuring out how it fits in my situation...

from "someone like you"

he isn't the last man you're gonna love. awwww...