i'm happy that we actually talked face to face after a month of pretentious happy messages. wednesday's lunch-time chat was warm and real. been hiding in my comfort zones before, fearful of running into him and doing something i might regret. what happened was totally unplanned, but i believe God orchestrated that and prepared our hearts beforehand. take note, it was just a chat. no soul-baring talks. but it's the first step to the restoration of a broken relationship. a deep friendship.
i don't know if i should delight in the fact that he still runs to me when in need. i think his girl should be the one helping him out. i'm in this state wherein i know i should not abandon him, but i can't go out of my way to support him because it violates my convictions. i believe it's not my place. i don't want to be forced to do something and resent him for it. my place as his friend isn't that of a doormat. i'm not the kind of person who stays anywhere against my will. i'm too stubborn for the whole martyr effect.
i wish he would stop depending on me so i could let him go easily. i want a break from his life for a few months so i could move on.
life is tough. but we cope. the strongest instinct is that of survival.
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