Thursday, March 30, 2006

skeletons and corpses

i unearthed the truth
you buried with lies
whatever your intentions may have been
no longer matter
i'm taking my heart back
along with the memories and pictures
now that i'm finally free
you lost me
just like you feared


*** after watching If Only and Corpse Bride and discovering things

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Hand Me Down

Someday they’ll find your small town world on a big town avenue
Gonna make you like the way they talk when they’re talking to you
Gonna make you break out of the shell cause they tell you to
Gonna make you like the way they lie better than the truth
They’ll tell you everything you wanted someone else to say
They’re gonna break your heart, yeah

From what I’ve seen
You’re just a one more hand me down
Cause no one’s tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now

Somebody ought to take you in
Try to make you love again
Try to make you like the way they feel
When they’re under your skin
Never once did think they’d lie when they’re holding you
You wonder why they haven’t called
When they said they’d call you
You start to wonder if you’re ever gonna make it by
You’ll start to think you were born blind

From what I’ve seen
You’re just a one more hand me down
Cause no one’s tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now

I’m here for the hard times
The straight to your heart times
Whenever it ain’t easy
You can stand up against me
And maybe rely on me
And cry on me, yeah
Oh no, no, no

Some day they’ll open up your world
Shake it down on a drawing board
Do their best to change you
They still can’t erase you

From what I’ve seen
You’re just a one more hand me down
Cause no one’s tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now

Lay them down on me
Oh yeah
You’re just one more hand me down
And all those nots don’t give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down...on me

[Matchbox 20]

Corpse Bride


"With this hand,
I will lift your sorrows.
Your cup will never empty,
for I will be your wine.
With this candle,
I will light your way in darkness.
With this ring, I ask you to be mine."


...


With this hand, I will take your wine.

No.

With this hand...

...I will cup your...

Oh, goodness, no.

With this...

With this...

With this candle, I will...

I will...

I will set your mother on fire.

Oh, it's no use.


...


A tragic tale of romance, passion...
...and murder most foul.

Hey, give me a listen
You corpses of cheer
At least those of you
Who still got an ear

I'll tell you a story
Make a skeleton cry
Of our own jubiliciously
Lovely Corpse Bride

Die, die, we all pass away
But don't wear a frown
Because it's really okay
You might try and hide
And you might try and pray
But we all end up
The remains of the day

That's right.

Well, our girl was a beauty
Known for miles around
When a mysterious stranger
Came into town

He was plenty good-looking
But down on his cash
And our poor little baby
She fell hard and fast

When her daddy said no
She just couldn't cope
So our lovers came up
With a plan to elope

So they conjured up a plan
To meet late at night
They told not a soul
Kept the whole thing tight

Now, her mother's wedding dress
Fit like a glove
You don't need much
When you're really in love

Except for a few things
Or so I'm told
Like the family jewels
And a satchel of gold

Then next to the graveyard
By the old oak tree
On a dark foggy night
At a quarter to

She was ready to go
But where was he?

And then?

- She waited
- And then?
- There in the shadows, was it her man?
- And then?
- Her little heart beat so loud
- And then?

And then, baby, everything went black

Now, when she opened her eyes
She was dead as dust
Her jewels were missing
And her heart was bust

So she made a vow
Lying under that tree
That she'd wait for her true love
To come set her free

Always waiting for someone
To ask for her hand
Then out of the blue
Comes this groovy young man

Who vows forever
To be by her side
And that's the story
Of our Corpse Bride


...


You lied to me!
Just to get back to that other woman.

Don't you understand?
You're the other woman.

...

And I thought... I thought
this was all going so well.

Look, I'm sorry, but...
...this just can't work.

Why not?

...

Listen, under different circumstances,
well, who knows?


...


Roses for eternal love.
Lilies for sweetness.
Baby's breath.
Why so blue?


...


What does that wispy little brat have
That you don't have double?

...

If he only knew
The you that we know

...

No, she doesn't compare

...

- lf only he could see
How special you can be
If he only knew
The you that we know

If I touch a burning candle
I can feel no pain
If you cut me with a knife
It's still the same

And I know her heart is beating
And I know that I am dead
Yet the pain here that I feel
Try and tell me it's not real

And it seems that I still have
A tear to shed

...

If I touch a burning candle
I can feel no pain
In the ice or in the sun
It's all the same

Yet I feel my heart is aching
Though it doesn't beat, it's breaking
And the pain here that I feel
Try and tell me it's not real

I know that I am dead
Yet it seems that I still have
Some tears to shed

...


Time to pick up the pieces and...
You know, and move on, I suppose.


...


Now I feel like I'm caught
in the tide, pulled out to sea.

The sea leads to many places, dearie.
Maybe you'll land somewhere better.

...


He just walked off without saying
a word. Are all men like this?

Well, I'm afraid none of them
are very bright.
They get something stuck
in their heads...
...and you can't do a thing with them.

...


Well, perhaps in disappointment
we are perfectly matched.


...


This woman is obviously delusional!


...


...can a heart still break
once it's stopped beating?

Monday, March 27, 2006

hello, world!

goodbye seems nicer, though. i was told its origin was God be with ye.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

the darkness whispers...

you're stupid and weak. you're pathetic and worthless. you're a failure as a student and as a friend. you can't even succeed at being an optimist. you give up too easily. you don't deserve to be loved. you'll never be good enough.

...lies...

Friday, March 24, 2006

mind meltdown

as i enter the ice cream store
i look into your expectant eyes
an exchange of hi's
waiting in line i ask about exams
the paper you're working on
is the last of your requirements
you inquire about mine
so i recite a list
a question pops up
what's our thesis about
i answer something far out
and you repeat what you said
adding that i didn't get some sleep
it takes me a while to think up
a coherent reply
you remark it's easy
i utter a protest
i finally get to choose
the flavor of my ice cream
strawberry seems to suit the moment
we continue our conversation
about my write-up
graduation, delays, and all that
while my ice cream melts
you hold the glass door open
outside, you flash a sweet smile
as we say goodbye
with the wave of our hands
we walk back into our separate lives

Thursday, March 23, 2006

water, fire, earth, and wind

as i was walking home looking like a sad little girl, i passed by a spot where my sister's friend made me cry and she hugged me for the first time i could remember. i stopped by the main library to grab a cup of coffee with sugar and cream. an ant fell in mine sometime during the dispensing process. then i began my slow procession to the sunken garden. i spilled my coffee twice, once while going down the steps and another by the kiosk. all the nearby benches were occupied. i didn't want to share a seat with a stranger so i sat down under a tree. with my skirt touching the ground and my fingers daintily holding the cup, i took a sip and thought of my brother. he raised me to be feminine but i always acted like a kid around him. and to be strong but i was always dependent on him. i put the empty cup on the ground beside me. i usually left when my coffee was gone. but i lingered as i felt the breeze blow on my hair and watched the wind billowing on my skirt and rustling the leaves. it stopped. but not before toppling over my coffee cup. i realized i no longer had need for the tissue in my hand. with the wind gone, i had to leave, too. content with my moment of solitude, i walked home with a friend i met twice outside the main library and once again at the corner. and we talked. but i still need a good cry.





Wednesday, March 22, 2006

sunrise


the sky is the canvas
and the Creator is the artist
the glorious sunrise
meets the fullness of the moon
as the darkness fades

*** written after spending the night at the lab sometime last week

imperfect reflection

the earlier part of the day was sad and hurtful. when i went to the UP Christian Community general assembly unprepared, i was reminded of the importance of unity of the church. and how i needed to forgive those who caused me pain or failed to meet my expectations. later that night, i attended the yakal christian fellowship kick-off fellowship. i hadn't missed one since my first year in college and i wasn't about to. upon arrival, i was rebuked by a prayer to be a reflection of God's love even to our enemies.

Matthew 5: 43-48
"You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.'
"But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
"For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?
"If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?
"Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Monday, March 20, 2006

sorrow

Sorrow causes deep scars, and indelibly writes its story on the suffering heart. We never completely recover from our greatest griefs and are never exactly the same after having passed through them. Yet sorrow that is endured in the right spirit impacts our growth favorably and brings us a greater sense of compassion for others. Indeed, those who have no scars of sorrow or suffering upon them are poor. "The joy set before" (Heb. 12:2) us should shine on our griefs just as the sun shines through our clouds, making them radiant... Sitting down and brooding over our sorrow deepens the darkness surrounding us, allowing it to creep into our heart. And soon our strength has changed to weakness. But if we will turn from the gloom and remain faithful to the calling of God, the light will shine again and we will grow stronger.

~ J. R. Miller, Streams in the Desert by L. B. Cowman

Thursday, March 9, 2006

Who am I

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am.
I am Yours.
I am Yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because what of You've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You told me who I am.
I am Yours.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
You told me who I am.
I am Yours.
I am Yours.
I am Yours.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am Yours.
I am Yours.


[Casting Crowns]

sinong may mp3 nito? pakisend naman... salamat! ^_^

destiny?

he's not nameless or faceless. and i couldn't help but draw closer while he was plucking the strings of his acoustic guitar. how do you love someone even before you meet him? i really should learn to... i could hear him singing "who am i" as i was leaving.

Proverbs 16:18

the white witch's wearing of something made from aslan's mane to battle was her way of boasting that she defeated him. aslan devoured her at the end of the battle.

Aslan: If the Witch knew the true meaning of sacrifice, she might have interpreted the Deep Magic a little differently. For she would know that if a willing victim who had committed no treachery died in a traitor's stead, the Stone Table would crack and death itself would begin to unwind.

the breaking of the stone table was like the tearing of the veil that separated people from the holy presence of God.
For Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit. (1 Peter 3:18)

think happy thoughts

and i think of the kids and their spiritual growth. these never fail to bring me joy in my downcast moments. i can't help but praise the Lord for my having been a part of their lives. i'm thankful that by God's grace, their lights shine where He places them.

i learned to be seriously joyful during my kalcf days. it was then that i learned to trust again. the whole experience had such a wonderful impact on my life that i wanted to return the favor the kalbrig did for us by being part of the kalbrig and eventually becoming its head then its overseer. all these by His grace still.

looking forward to the coming years in the kids' lives. i'm claiming that next year would be my last in that ministry. i don't plan to maximize my stay. i badly want to graduate soon but i have this problem with a delay.

Wednesday, March 8, 2006

The Souvenir

“It’s just made of cornstarch and glue,” I said. Then my best friend remarked, “But it’s made of hard work, too.”

The “it” here refers to one of the blue star-shaped souvenirs we, the Kalayaan Christian Fellowship or KalCF, handed to the graduating UP Dormitories Christian Fellowship (DCF) members.

It is a tradition of the UP DCF to let the KalCF handle the Kick-off General Assembly. We organized everything from the registration and nametags, to the program and souvenirs.

One Friday night, when “it” was really nothing but cornstarch and glue separately, I gathered the members of the fellowship, as I am one of the core leaders. We settled the materials on the floor, and spread out sheets of plastic. We poured cornstarch onto the sheets and poured glue over the cornstarch. We then mixed the substances together until they achieved the consistency of clay. The process could be likened to the preparation of dough. The original plan was for bits of the sticky mass to take the form of a cross, but we somehow ended up painstakingly shaping them into stars. I was so hungry at the time and kept imagining the stars were cookies, wishing so hard that I could eat them. We also sang songs in order to entertain ourselves. My roommate came up with the idea to perform the song entitled “Paglisan,” which we were singing at the moment, at the Kick-off General Assembly. On that night, a bond other than that of cornstarch and glue was made, a bond of friendship among us who already had fellowship.

The next few days were spent waiting for the mixture to dry, painting the stars blue and sprinkling them with glitter and colored sand, and creating boxes to put them in.

On the day of the DCF General Assembly, the packaging was not yet finished. In fact, we lacked about 20 boxes. Much effort was poured into the production of the boxes and finalizing everything, including the emcees’ script. We were thirty minutes late in going to Balay Kalinaw, where the Kick-off Assembly was held. We found out that we actually forgot to ask the people assigned to lead the opening and closing prayer. So much was left undone, but the event turned out to be a success. The graduating students enjoyed the game prepared for them. They actually had to stuff marshmallows into their mouths and shout “Gagradweyt na ako.” The song we dedicated to them also touched their hearts. Everyone appreciated the souvenirs. Most of them asked how we made the stars while some likened these to starfishes.

The stars by themselves would not indicate that they are souvenirs if not for the pieces of paper that come with each that says “Dormitories Christian Fellowship Kick-off General Assembly March 11, 2003 Balay Kalinaw.”

Souvenirs in general don’t have a prescribed appearance. The Webster’s New Pocket Collegiate Dictionary simply defines a souvenir as a keepsake (“Souvenir”). This means that a souvenir can be anything kept or given that can serve as a reminder, usually of an event or a place.

Psychologists of the modern era, from their earliest speculation about remembering to the foundation of most of their latest experimentally based views, commonly have assumed that the critical problems are concerned with the physiological mechanisms by which events and experiences can be retained so that they can be mentally reproduced, either in their original mode or with the assistance of signs and symbols that are regarded as equivalent to that mode. (“Memory”).

These signs and symbols that aid the memory in remembering can take the form of tangible objects such as keepsakes. However, in our case, we chose to create souvenirs that are fashioned like stars. Not the shining celestial bodies seen as twinkling points of light, but rather as the conventional illustrations of stars with only five rays. These could be geometrically defined as polygons with ten sides. Due to the fact that these souvenirs were shaped to represent stars, the term ‘star’ has been used as a synonym of ‘souvenir’ in this essay.

Why make stars? What message do they impart? The answer can be found in Matthew 5: 14-16...

You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lamp stand, and it gives light to all those who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven. (NASB).

The Scripture explains that the purpose of my existence is to bring glory to God. It further instructs in 1 Corinthians 10: 31, “Whether, then, you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (NASB).

In his book, Truth for Today, John MacArthur writes, “The joy of a Christian is to be a living example of God’s truth—to be a living verification of what is pleasing to Him”. As the term ‘Christian’ indicates, we, believers, must be imitators of Christ.

Spiritual growth is the result of matching practice with position. MacArthur states,

As believers, our position in Christ is perfect… We need to progress in our lives in a way that is commensurate with our exalted position… Giving glory to God is directly related to spiritual growth.

This translates to not compromising what we believe in. As the print on the UP Christian Community shirt says, “No more compromise. A campaign for personal holiness.”

“We ought to be willing to expose our lives to light so that it will prove that we are light,” MacArthur adds (). Our lives as Christians should serve as a testimony of the goodness and glory of God. We should manifest the values of a true Christian by following the standards set in the Bible. In other words, we should have works on the outside and faith on the inside, for faith without works is dead. Sometimes people do learn more from our lives than from what we say. Action really does speak louder than words.

“The fruit you bear is the manifestation of your character, and the only way people will know that you are a child of God” (MacArthur ).

The souvenir may be defined as it can be seen. A hardened mixture of cornstarch and glue painted blue, sprinkled with glitter and colored sand, and placed in a box. Or by what it’s made of other than cornstarch and glue, that is hard work. It could be defined by the story of how it came to be and how it drew the KalCF closer. Or as a reminder to us Christians to let our light shine, since our lives serve as a testimony for the unbelievers, and an inspiration to fellow believers.

*** written three years past so that we may not forget ^_^

a fork



the one you know
can peer into your soul
make your heart weep
or leap with joy

the one you don't
is busy serving the Lord
unmindful of you
his mere existence is an awe

the first you'd love
with all his flaws
the other you dreamt of
and beheld on the seventh day

either friend or stranger
stranger or friend
he could be the answer
to your whispered prayer


***

for every reason to fear
stand firm in faith
keep watch while visions
come to pass

Monday, March 6, 2006

the thread

That way lies our hope where sits our greatest fear. Doom hangs still on a thread. Yet hope there is still, if we can but stand unconquered for a little while.
~ Gandalf

quiet time dealings

And it happened, when our enemies heard that it was known to us, and that God had brought their plot to nothing, that all of us returned to the wall, everyone to his work. (Nehemiah 4:15)


We had hoped. (Luke 24:21)


Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)

things

things that fell into place
  1. the symposium
  2. he greeted me -> he doesn't hate me
  3. i swapped skeds with benj
  4. the resolution of issues
  5. the meeting with karl. we totally forgot about that. but he had already forgiven us.
  6. the borrowing of ms 101 notes for the exam

tied up and twisted

crumpled in bed
insides twisted in knots
such pain!
stomach turns over
and over and over

Sunday, March 5, 2006

Absence of Fear

Jewel

Inside my skin there is this space
It twists and turns
It bleeds and aches
Inside my heart there's an empty room
It's waiting for lightning
It's waiting for you
And I am wanting
And I am needing you here
Inside the absence of fear
Muscle and sinew
Velvet and stone
This vessel is haunted
It creaks and moans
My bones call to you
In their separate skin
I make myself translucent
To let you in, for
I am wanting
And I am needing of you here
Inside the absence of fear
there is this hunger
This restlessness inside of me
and it knows that you're no stranger
you're my gravity
My hands will adore you through all darkness aim
They will lay you out in moonlight
And reinvent your name
For I am wanting you
And I am needing you here
I need you near
Inside the absence of fear

closer

in the midst of panic, i find myself asking if i would consider a guy
who isn't at least as mature a Christian as i. what happens to the
number one thing i seek in a guy? will i compromise that standard for
so-called love? how will i submit to someone who cannot lead me in my
spiritual life? loneliness is more companionable than disappointment.
let him strive to be more intimate with God while i strive to be like
Christ. the closer we are to Him, the closer we become. seek His
kingdom first. everything else will follow.


Saturday, March 4, 2006

could i say that, too?

Clark: We never talked about Lana.

Chloe: We don't need to. I'm a big girl now.


i guess i could.

quoting clark kent's real dad

The lessons that we learn from pain are the ones that are strongest.

Thursday, March 2, 2006

dance.

I Hope You Dance
> Lee Ann Womack

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

when everything fails, we'd be...

Held
> Natalie Grant

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

If hope is born of suffering,
If this is only the beginning,
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

bawal magcomment. lalo na in real life.

it fascinates me that you made that gesture. it was so small that most
people overlook it. but i am not like most people. i was really touched
because it was my job to make people comfortable and yet you returned
the favor. there are a lot of guys out there who try so hard to impress
a girl. this girl. but the harder they try, the harder they fall.



my first impression about you was absolutely wrong. i used to think you
were intimidating and apathetic. i'm glad your world didn't (doesn't)
see you through my eyes. am i saying too much? i just feel so
lighthearted around you. you're not the stressor i expected you to be.
i respect your views even if i may not share them.

God is too wise to be mistaken.

the Lord truly answers prayers. i asked for humility. at the time i already knew it would be painful. but the joy of the Lord is my strength. and i will serve Him wherever He places me.

i praise God that He used me mightily in the ministry. i had been part of the kalayaan brigade for three years. they say that real leaders must make themselves dispensable. meaning they pass on what they know and so on. i have that honor of training some of the best leaders i know and seeing them serve God especially in the dormitories christian fellowship. i just praise Him for the grace to trust in His will.

i'd be lying if i said i didn't know what to expect. with my gift of knowledge, surprises rarely come my way. perhaps the Lord has one in store for me. ^_^

serenity, courage, and wisdom




In other words, blind acceptance of everything is not a virtue any more than indiscriminate fighting is. There is a time and place for each.

kids

i could almost hear you... =p

Wednesday, March 1, 2006

another day

i praise the Lord for a new morning after spending the night fighting for breath.