as i was walking home looking like a sad little girl, i passed by a spot where my sister's friend made me cry and she hugged me for the first time i could remember. i stopped by the main library to grab a cup of coffee with sugar and cream. an ant fell in mine sometime during the dispensing process. then i began my slow procession to the sunken garden. i spilled my coffee twice, once while going down the steps and another by the kiosk. all the nearby benches were occupied. i didn't want to share a seat with a stranger so i sat down under a tree. with my skirt touching the ground and my fingers daintily holding the cup, i took a sip and thought of my brother. he raised me to be feminine but i always acted like a kid around him. and to be strong but i was always dependent on him. i put the empty cup on the ground beside me. i usually left when my coffee was gone. but i lingered as i felt the breeze blow on my hair and watched the wind billowing on my skirt and rustling the leaves. it stopped. but not before toppling over my coffee cup. i realized i no longer had need for the tissue in my hand. with the wind gone, i had to leave, too. content with my moment of solitude, i walked home with a friend i met twice outside the main library and once again at the corner. and we talked. but i still need a good cry.
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