Worlds Apart

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tear
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love You - take my world apart
To need You - I am on my knees
To love You - take my world apart
To need You - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did You really have to die for me?
All I am for all You are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need You now,
I owe You more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it Yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

[Jars of Clay]

my room b4

1 Corinthians 13

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Eun-joo

There are three things a person cannot hide: coughing, poverty and love. The more one tries to hide them, the more they rise to the surface.

Love is a self-inflicted pain.

Love torments us not because it goes away, but because it goes on.


[from Il Mare]

sassiness

sorry isn't in my vocabulary. if you want to hear me say sorry, change your name to sorry...

i think that's the girl in windstruck's line.

perhaps

it's not so bad to be tamed
if it means someone cares for you.

a fairy tale

We never talked about it
'cause you never even cared
And what you really wanted
I never even had

'cause what may seem right
And what may be wrong
Seems out of sight
In this place we belong
Giving everything

Giving everything for love
I'm finding out that it's not enough
There's nothing left between you and i
I'm finding faith but losing us

When worlds collide

Together we seemed perfect
A fairy tale for show
And looking on the outside
You'd never even know

That we're just not right
When compromises is wrong
Seems out of sight
In this place we belong
Giving everything

Giving everything for love
I'm finding out that it's not enough
There's nothing left between you and i
I'm finding faith but losing us

When worlds collide

[Plumb]

inherently ambiguous

like the grammar of this blog.

and my graduation date. with cs 155 not being among the subjects offered online for next semester's preenlistment, i might have to wait for the first semester of the next academic year...

demanding!

Speak - say the words that no one else will ever say
Love - love like the world we know is over in a day

I'm gonna show you love in every language
I'm gonna speak with words that need no form
I'm gonna give you what you never had before

You're beautiful and I am weakened by the force of your eyes
So shine bright to separate the truth from the lies
I'm gonna show you love

I'm gonna show you love in every language
I'm gonna speak with words that need no form
I'm gonna give you what you never had before

So tie me to a tree and let the smoke and ash collect
No, I won't regret to let love do what love will let
We can drown in mixed emotions or walk across an angry sea
This is the cost of being free

I'm gonna show you love in every language
I'm gonna speak with words that need no form
I'm gonna give you what you never had before

[Jars of Clay]

gusto ko love in every language... ^_^

control your power

or it will control you.

that (or something to that effect) was what professor xavier taught the x-men.

i had always been able to relate with jean grey especially during the phoenix episodes... i had been in my zen mode for seven days. but i lost control over my moods again a few hours ago. i can't exactly explain the cause. let's just say it takes strength to restrain power and i was too tired...

{proof}

caffeine induces sleep.

the choice

i dreamt the other night of serving coffee
but all the china cups were broken
then of a surprise visit from you
and using a foreign toothbrush
which i bought last night.

i was made to choose between
staying with you and going to class
that was my last thought
before waking up
and my first
was i'm special
to someone else.

beautiful day

Your Theme Song is Beautiful Day by U2

"Sky falls, you feel like It's a beautiful day Don't let it get away" You see the beauty in life, especially in ordinary everyday moments. And if you're feeling down, even that seems a little beautiful too.

What's Your Theme Song?

The heart is a bloom,
Shoots up through the stony ground
But there's no room,
No space to rent in this town

You're out of luck
And the reason that you had to care,
The traffic is stuck
And you're not moving anywhere.

You thought you'd found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you can lend a hand
In return for grace
It's a beautiful day
The sky falls
And you feel like it's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away

You're on the road
But you've got no destination
You're in the mud
In the maze of her imagination

You love this town
Even if it doesn't ring true
You've been all over
And it's been all over you

It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
It's a beautiful day

Touch me, Take me to that other place
Teach me, I know I'm not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light, and
See the bird with the leaf in her mouth
After the flood, all the colors came out

It was a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
Beautiful day

Touch me, take me to that other place
Reach me, I know I'm not a hopeless case

What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel it somehow
What you don't have you don't need it now
Don't need it now
Was a beautiful day.

lightning

You Are Lightning

Beautiful yet dangerous People will stop and watch you when you appear Even though you're capable of random violence You are best known for: your power Your dominant state: performing

What Type of Weather Are You?

something beautiful

If you put your arms around me,
Could it change the way I feel?
I guess I let myself believe
That the outside might just bleed its way in
Maybe stir the sleeping past
Lying under glass
Waiting for the kiss
That breaks this awful spell
Pull me out... of this lonely cell

Close my eyes and hold my heart
Cover me and make me something
Change this something normal
Into something beautiful

What I get from my reflection
Isn't what I thought I'd see.
so, give me reason to believe
You'd never keep me incomplete
Will you untie this loss of mine?
It easily defines me,
Do you see it on my face?
And that all I can think about is how long
I've been waiting to feel you move me.

Close my eyes and hold my heart
Cover me and make me something
Change this something normal
Into something beautiful
Into something beautiful
Into something beautiful

And I'm still fighting for the word
To break these chains
And I still pray when I look in your eyes
You'd stare right back down
Into something beautiful

So close my eyes and hold my heart
Cover me and make me something
Change this something normal
Into something beautiful
Into something beautiful
Into something beautiful
Into something beautiful

[Jars of Clay]

frail

Convinced of my deception
I've always been a fool
I fear this love reaction
Just like you said I would

A rose could never lie
About the love it brings
And I could never promise
To be any of those things

If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be...
I would be...
I would be...

Blessed are the shallow
Depth they'll never find
Seems to be some comfort
In rooms I try to hide

Exposed beyond the shadows
You take the cup from me
Your dirt removes my blindness
Your pain becomes my peace

If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be...
I would be...
I would be...

...frail

[Jars of Clay]

unjustified

explaining things doesn't make them right. it only tries to make them clear.

unapologetic

Your Personality Cluster is Introverted Thinking

You are: Objective, honest, and credible Intellectually curious, with many diverse interests More inclined toward ideas than people Fiercely independent and unapologetically unconventional

What's Your Personality Cluster?

indigo

You Are Indigo

Of all the shades of blue, you are the most funky, unique, and independent. Expressing yourself and taking a leap of faith has always been easy for you.

What Color Blue Are You?

keys

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

nicer the second time around

i walked home from what was supposed to be my last class today with my head in the clouds. i just came from receiving the results of my first exam in eee 8. my score was way beyond my expectations. i didn't understand the first problem and how i was supposed to solve it but i wrote down my solution and it was actually the right one. ^_^

what's so important about this subject?

it's my second take. i stopped going to class and i didn't take the third, final, and lab exams the first time. it was far from hopeless but i was broken and deeply disturbed then. and now i'm not. this seasonal course is also a prerequisite to another seasonal course. i was that crazy. and still am.

if i do well in this, it won't cost me another year. i am really looking forward to graduation even if i don't know what lies beyond. of the list entitled things to do before i graduate, i think i have accomplished five out of the eleven. ^_~

then there's the part wherein my gaining my parents' permission to go on a missions trip during the sem break depends on my acads. i was worried that if i failed an exam, i would never get to go. i am now inspired instead of pressured by the challenge they posed.

i praise the Lord for equipping me with everything i needed then and now. and for luther and chuckie who helped out with the first problem set. and for junei, jacq, kuya butch, and benj for including me in their prayers. and everyone else whom i failed to acknowledge.

this blog isn't so dark, see?

grown-ups

Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.

In the course of this life I have had a great many encounters with a great many people who have been concerned with matters of consequence. I have lived a great deal among grown-ups. I have seen them intimately, close at hand. And that hasn't much improved my opinion of them.

[from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry]

Someone stubborn

i need someone stubborn enough to love stubborn me. i'm glad Someone already does. ;)

moving on

it's taking away the bitterness
from the bittersweet
and pretending it's the same coffee,
the same drink,
yet knowing that it's not.

it's trading in the sleepless nights
for the sweetest dreams.

it's hiding away what was
and enjoying what is.

What is an algorithm?

• a recipe
• a procedure
• a computer program
• Who cares? I know it when I see it.

[from ma'am becca's slides]

tumbling! moments

(q&a time after the message on assurance of salvation)
me: may tanong pa kayo?
kid: ate, nagkaboyfriend na kayo?

(on marriage)
me: gusto ko ng separate bedroom.
my shepherd: hello! kelangan niya asawa, hindi housemate!

rain showers

thank You for the healing rain
i feel alive again.

dizzy

a bee
stuck in a laboratory
just like me
it flies around
and my eyes follow
as it goes in circles

taong labas,

nakasara man ang pinto,
hindi ito nangangahulugang
hindi ka na maaaring pumasok
at makasama ang pamilyang iniwan mo.
patawad sa pagkukulang namin
ng pagmamahal.
nakakalungkot
ang iyong paglaho
at masaya akong ika'y narito
ngunit hindi sa bawat saglit
ko kakayaning magpanggap na
limot ko na ang kahapong di na mauulit.

lips like sugar

my smile is as sweet
as my name on your lips.

how i wish i uttered yours...

shell

You can’t love anyone or anything until you love your own existence, first. Love can only grow out of a respect for your own life. When you love yourself, your own existence, then you love someone who can enhance your existence, share it with you, and make it more pleasurable. When you hate yourself and believe your existence is evil, then you can only hate, you can only experience the shell of love, the longing for something good, but you have nothing to base it in but hatred. You taint the very concept of love… with your corrupted longing for it…

To truly love someone… you must revel in their existence because they make life all the more wonderful. If you think existence is corrupt, then you are sealed off from the fruition of such a relationship, from what love really is.

~ Jennsen Rahl, Pillars of Creation by Terry Goodkind

(greater) good

Those who want to impose the idea of a greater good are simply haters of the good.

~ Richard Rahl, Chainfire by Terry Goodkind

p & q

let p = right time
q = right person

p -> q
q' -> p'