What Temperament Are You?

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

my epitaph

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

What is your real-life World of Warcraft Race and Class?

Night Elf Priest Night Elves are the sexiest of the bunch. They're the hot flower children of Warcraft: at one with nature, and dancing all the while. As a priest, you are mostly concerned with others. You like to be sure that everyone is safe and healthy - because, if they die, you might get booted. Find out your real-life WoW race and class at QuizGalaxy.com

treasure chest

if someday
we dig up what we bury
it better not
be a hatchet.

cantata

ashes to ashes

i want to go home and hide. from what? i don't know exactly. but i badly want to erase his memory. i tried to not talk about him hoping that he would leave my thoughts then. when numbness replaced the pain, i thought he bled me dry. lestat described the sucking of his blood as something exquisite. it transported him to a place in his past. but then it jerked him back to the present when it stopped. maybe the rush of dreams came with the flow of blood. what am i saying? i am drained. but His blood brought me immortality. vampires die to become what they are and fear the fire that could destroy them. but Someone died in my place so i need not worry about being consumed by flames.

"a lot like love" aftereffect

does moving on have to go hand in hand with letting go?

Grief is a waste of time and so is fear. ~ The Va...

Grief is a waste of time and so is fear.

~ The Vampire Lestat in The Tale of the Body Thief by Anne Rice

May It Be

May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home

Mornie utúlië (darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantië (darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

May it be shadows call
Will fly away
May it be your journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun

Mornie utúlië (darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantië (darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

A promise lives within you now

Composed and performed by Enya
Lyrics by Roma Ryan

Into the West

Lay down
your sweet and weary head
Night is falling,
you have come to journey's end.
Sleep now,
and dream of the ones who came before.
They are calling
from across the distant shore.

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
all of your fears will pass away,
safe in my arms
you're only sleeping.

What can you see
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
a pale moon rises --
The ships have come to carry you home.

Dawn will turn
to silver glass
A light on the water
All souls pass.

Hope fades
into the world of night
through shadows falling
out of memory and time.
Don't say,
"We have come now to the end."
White shores are calling
you and I will meet again.

And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping.

What can can you see
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
a pale moon rises --
The ships have come to carry you home.

And all will turn
to silver glass
A light on the water
Grey ships pass
Into the west.

Words and music by Fran Walsh, Howard Shore and Annie Lennox.
Performed by Annie Lennox.

Not Once, Not Ever

Sindarin

Dannen le
A ú-erin le regi
Rang ail le iestannen
Lû ail le tegin na hen.
Gwannach o innen ului
Ú lû erui, ului.

English

You have fallen.
And I cannot reach you.
Ever step I willed you on,
Every moment I lead you to this.
You never left my mind,
Not once, not ever.

Words by Philippa Boyens, translated into Sindarin by David Salo.
Music by Howard Shore.

Gollum's Song

Where once was light
Now darkness falls
Where once was love
Love is no more
Don't say goodbye
Don't say I didn't try

These tears we cry
Are falling rain
For all the lies you told us
The hurt, the blame!
And we will weep to be so alone
We are lost
We can never go home

So in the end
I'll be what I will be
No loyal friend
Was ever there for me

Now we say goodbye
We say you didn't try

These tears you cry
Have come too late
Take back the lies
The hurt, the blame!

And you will weep
When you face the end alone
You are lost
You can never go home
You are lost
You can never go home

Music by Howard Shore
Words by Fran Walsh, Janet Roddick, David Donaldson, Steve Roche, David Long
Performed by Emiliana Torrini

In Dreams

When the cold of Winter comes
Starless night will cover day
In the veiling of the sun
We will walk in bitter rain

But in dreams
I still hear your name
And in dreams
We will meet again

When the seas and mountains fall
And we come, to end of days
In the dark I hear a call
Calling me there
I will go there
And back again

Words and music by Fran Walsh and Howard Shore,
Based on the song for the Entwives by Tolkien.
Performed by Edward Ross

The Steward of Gondor

Home is behind
The world is ahead.
And there are many paths to tread
Thru shadow to the edge of night
Until the stars are all alight
Mist and shadows, cloud and shade.
All shall fade.
All shall fade.

Based on text by J.R.R. Tolkien. Composed and performed by Billy Boyd.

feels like home... NOT!

where is home?
it was supposed to be HERE.

kulungan

Ang pinakamasaklap kapag nagmahal ka ay iyong di mo maipakita, hindi mo maipadama...

Magmahal Muli

by Sam and Say

Umaasang magmamahal muli
Ang buong akala ko'y sya na
Kabiguan ang napala
Panghilom ng puso'y hindi madali
Ang malaman mahal mo'y
Walang pag ibig sayo

Ang umasang magmamahal muli
Syang magagawa
Huwag hanapin ang pag ibig
Ito'y darating
Ito'y darating
Ito'y darating sayo

Hanggang sa tayo'y magtagpo
Sa kabiguan natamo
Kaya ako ay maghihintay
Sa tunay kong mahal
Isipin ang bukas at kalimutan ang nakalipas

Ang umasang magmamahal muli
Syang magagawa
Huwag hanapin ang pag ibig
Ito'y darating sayo
Aking naranasan

Ang pagluha tulad ng sa ulan
Ang umasang magmamahal muli
Syang magagawa
Huwag hanapin ang pag ibig
Ito'y darating

Ang umasang magmamahal muli
Syang magagawa
Huwag hanapin ang pag ibig
Ito'y darating, ito'y darating..
Ito'y darating sayo

Ito'y darating sayo.

christmas time

Gabrielle

It had all been said in one form or another...
She could not give me what I wanted of her. There
was nothing I could do to make her what she
would not be. And the truly terrible part was this:
she really didn't want anything of me! She was
asking me to come because she felt the
obligation to do so. Pity, sadness -- maybe those
were also reasons. But what she really wanted
was to be free.

(The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice)



she sounds a lot like me...

pale

i just saw a ghost.













the ghost of you.

scarlet

A SORTA FAIRYTALE finds Scarlet back in LA with a man she has convinced herself is her life's soul mate. "They take the big trip in the classic car up the Pacific Coast highway and across the desert. But as they go on, the masks drop away and they discover the fantasy they have of each other isn't who they really are." They end up back where they started and Scarlet leaves. "They did care. But somehow they lost each other. Which is why it's only A Sorta Fairytale..."
-- Scarlet's Walk bio

"I think that there is a place where she [Scarlet] realizes that people come in and out of your life. Sometimes for a day, sometimes for longer. And all of them make you what you are. You can't separate these people out of you. They form who you are. Even the ones that you kind of say well...you know, I don't know if I wanna be formed by them anymore. (laughs) But you are in some way. You are. That's why, maybe, you don't have to look at them so harshly because they have effected you. At the end, though, you know...it's us as individuals with our...mm...with our love for the land. For something untangible, that when soulmates come and go, you're never alone even when you're standing just you in your shoes, because you carry them with you."
-- Scarlet Stories CD

"...You don't know how you are losing each other and you're sitting right in front of each other in plain view, but you can't seem to make it work. And that's why it's a 'sort of' fairy tale, because she wasn't a princess."
--Tori; MTV.com News, 09/23/02

left behind

seeing locked cabinets,
empty beds, and sealed boxes
has a sobering effect.

feeling the same way

The thought of you still makes me smile
When it doesn't make me cry
The Lord gave
If He wills, He shall take away.

falling apart

i finally figured it out... angst. that's what my li'l bro and my big sis were trying to convey. it's weird how people think i am the silent one. my tongue cuts flesh. holding it is like gripping a blade. i am the most lethal among us. but i had known what it's like to be at the mercy of... thing is, i also know grace.

sour?!

scarlet, your flavor is Sour

Don't get us wrong here — you're no Gloomy Gus. Quite the opposite in fact, you add a unique and scintillating twist everywhere you go. And we bet the places you go and the things you do are pretty edgy and interesting to boot.

A sharp and stylish classic, you never go out of style. Your fashionable ways show through in everything you do. From your choice of clothes to your favorite restaurants to your top movies and books, you've got a good sense of self and what you like and don't like. And that's a great way to go about getting exactly what you want out of life. Rock on!

So, what's your thing?

acknowledge

accept knowledge?

What's Your Cinderella Story?

In your Cinderella story, you'd get to Kiss the Prince

You don't need the pouffy dress, the fancy hair, or the 3-inch glass heels. A romantic soul like you just wants a guy who's a true companion, a good friend, a real prince. And if he's hot? All the better. But ultimately, you know that home is where the heart is. Which is probably why you surround yourself with good friends you can take care of and laugh with — friends who will do the same for you.

But that doesn't keep you from fantasizing about the perfect relationship. It's not that you don't have your feet firmly planted on the ground. It's just that you're not afraid to shoot high. Or wish upon a shooting star. So keep reaching for your goals, Cinderella. If you do, your happily ever after can't be far away. And you can seal that with a kiss.

connect the dots

radars busy with signals
raised eyebrows
mouths open in surprise
then shovels dig up
from experience
to pass on wisdom.

famous last words

Famous Last Words
by Jars of Clay

You say you heard every word, but I watched you turn away
Your eyes grew colder than winter
Love is so intrusive, I thought I heard you say
And laugh so unconvincingly

Famous last words, I’m not ready yet
I won’t be gone a minute

Narrow is the road and too high a price to pay
When loneliness is such a sanctuary
Empty are the musings and wasted are the days
When you say you were only waiting

And famous last words, I’m not ready yet
I won’t be gone a minute and I won’t forget
Famous last words
If tomorrow never comes, will I ever know that I was in love?

I was in love
In love

You say you heard every word, I watched you turn away
You were only waiting

missing you

in spite of everything that happened, i miss you. "out of sight, out of mind" doesn't work for me. i guess this is what letting go is... looking back then moving forward knowing you won't be by my side.

famous last words

Famous Last Words
by Jars of Clay

You say you heard every word, but I watched you turn away
Your eyes grew colder than winter
Love is so intrusive, I thought I heard you say
And laugh so unconvincingly

Famous last words, "I’m not ready yet"
"I won’t be gone a minute"

Narrow is the road and too high a price to pay
When loneliness is such a sanctuary
Empty are the musings and wasted are the days
When you say you were only waiting

And famous last words, "I’m not ready yet"
"I won’t be gone a minute" and "I won’t forget"
Famous last words
If tomorrow never comes, will I ever know that I was in love?

I was in love
In love

You say you heard every word, I watched you turn away
You were only waiting

a heart gone cold

all i see is her pain and your failure. do not expect me to be nice. you don't know what you're asking. i will not mask my contempt. they said that to disrespect your girl is to disrespect you. so be it. you do not deserve hero worship. not even close.

can't

my buddy asked me to meet you in his place. i can't. i lack the strength and the courage to face you, to face reality. you don't love me. i know. i don't need to hear you say it again. be it another brutal frisbee illustration or something akin to the i-don't-want-to-see-you-get-hurt effect. no matter how hard you tried to be sensitive, it wouldn't have been any less painful. he insisted that i see you in order to close the circle. to forget. i can't. not yet. not when i don't understand any of it. i don't deserve the deception. you didn't trust me with the truth. i had to find out what little i know on my own. you didn't treat me like a friend or a sister in Christ. you don't know my worth. i was bought with blood.

turned tables

some events shock you beyond your wildest imagination. the one who seemed to have moved on won't let go and so on. when should relationships be put on hold?

then there are events that took their time coming. the ones involved must be so full, having eaten a lot of words. my opinion regarding this? someone's taking advantage of attachment. it might as well be incest.

just a question... why do some people insist that you spill in the name of accountability then commit a breach of trust? how come the rules change when we're discussing their lives?

decoding guy talk

"nagtitipid ako" is akin to "i have a girlfriend."

am i right or am i right? =p

i want...

• a cloak ala jedi or elven archer
• rock shoes
• digicam
• an ipod
• a cap
• an niv study Bible
• raymond feist books
• dance lessons
• fat cat
  
• siberian husky (puppy)
  
• a tiger cub
  
• kahon
• an acoustic guitar
• a grand piano
  
• a blue rose
  
• wild yellow flowers
  

dominic's party

the hunger site

http://www.thehungersite.com

third eye blind

i cleansed my room upon returning from watching a movie. i didn't want to be alone with the demons tonight. i feel uncomfortable whenever i sense their presence. i don't know how many there were. but these are the forms they took according to previous and present inhabitants of B4... the kid, the old woman, and the looming dark shadow of a man. the roles... the chatter (ym), the doorkeeper, the bedspacer, the conversationalist, and the strangler. the last one, i like least.

banahaw

3am

i can't sleep. the memories come rushing with a flood of tears. i tried to walk away so many times. but i cannot sever the bond. cannot rip out a piece of me. i find myself asking the same thing i wrote at the start of the sem...

what is your life like?
without me in it
is it fuller
or less sweet?
you blessed mine
when i felt incomplete
now everything is changed
i want you near me
no more.

you are like a hurricane
i didn't see you coming
never knew you would be earth-shattering
you sucked the air out of my lungs
and my heart races to keep breathing
you pushed me off a cliff
somehow i held on
and climbed my way back up
but not without cuts and bruises.

i am not scarred
i bleed still.

you keep telling me to take care of myself. you said you don't want to see me get hurt and you're sorry you caused me pain. but none of those words spared me from wracking sobs in the shower or sleepless nights like this.

in between

i'm happy that we actually talked face to face after a month of pretentious happy messages. wednesday's lunch-time chat was warm and real. been hiding in my comfort zones before, fearful of running into him and doing something i might regret. what happened was totally unplanned, but i believe God orchestrated that and prepared our hearts beforehand. take note, it was just a chat. no soul-baring talks. but it's the first step to the restoration of a broken relationship. a deep friendship.

i don't know if i should delight in the fact that he still runs to me when in need. i think his girl should be the one helping him out. i'm in this state wherein i know i should not abandon him, but i can't go out of my way to support him because it violates my convictions. i believe it's not my place. i don't want to be forced to do something and resent him for it. my place as his friend isn't that of a doormat. i'm not the kind of person who stays anywhere against my will. i'm too stubborn for the whole martyr effect.

i wish he would stop depending on me so i could let him go easily. i want a break from his life for a few months so i could move on.

life is tough. but we cope. the strongest instinct is that of survival.

shhh...

sworn silence.

derfism

new word: eigen-o-phobic. a condition experienced by most of my batchmates in kalcf.

your move.

my silent tormentor speaks. desperation brought them at my door. but i cannot understand what i do not know. be it a need or a crime.

a thought to ponder

i woke up this morning with this in mind... love is the most powerful weapon. it pierces even the strongest armor of apathy. i'm sure i read it somewhere. but i'm still figuring out how it fits in my situation...

from "someone like you"

he isn't the last man you're gonna love. awwww...

kmusta?

i wish i could say i'm okay. but we're not. is my sadness so tangible that it draws dementors to come and feed on my pain? i still can't set foot on certain places without the memories washing over me. i'm torn between picking up the pieces and walking out of his life.

"love is so short, forgetting so long."

branches of a river

"Separated"
Usher

Oh no, no, no, no

If love was a bird
Then we wouldn't have wings
If love was a sky
We'd be blue
If love was a choir
You and I could never sing
Cause love isn't for me and you

If love was an Oscar
You and I could never win
Cause we can never act out our parts
If love is the Bible
Then we are lost in sin
Because it's not in our hearts

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby, you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

If love was a fire
Then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If love was a light
Then we're lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold

If love was a sport
We're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean
Then we are just a stream
Cause love isn't for me and you

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

Girl, I know we had some good times
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye
Girl, you know I love you, I can't deny
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust
So I'll walk away so you won't have to see me cry
It's killing me so, why don't you go

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated.


Oh Well
Boyz II Men

Since you've been gone I've been lonely
Longing to be with you only
Maybe there still is a way I can find you and say
Just how I feel.

I can't believe that's it's over
Wish somehow I could have showed her
All that was inside of my heart 'stead of playing the games
You might have stayed

Funny just the other night I was thinking
I wonder if you ever think about me
I call you on the phone, there's no answer

Oh Well, there's still tomorrow
Oh Well, I'll try again
Oh Well, maybe just maybe

Since you've been gone I've been lonely
Longing to be with you only
If there's a way I could beg you to stay would you please
Stay with me.

I was thinking maybe I could come over
Hoping we could finally work this out
Even if tonight we don't find an answer

Oh Well, there's still tomorrow
Oh Well, I'll try again
Oh Well, maybe just maybe

If I had another chance
We would stand hand in hand
You'll be my girl and I'll be your man
Oh Well, maybe just maybe we can.

I still call you on the phone still no answer
Maybe later on I'll try one more time
Or am I just a fool to keep trying

Oh Well, there's still tomorrow
Oh Well, a fool's what I am
Oh Well, maybe just maybe

Oh Well, there's still tomorrow
Oh Well, I'll try again
Oh Well, maybe just maybe
See if I got down on my knees and gave you every little part of
me.

Oh Well, there's still tomorrow
Oh Well, I'll try again
Oh Well, maybe just maybe

Since you've been gone I've been lonely.

Happily Ever After

The Fairy-tale Formula

• Don't let past bad luck cloud your vision of a brighter future. Have the courage to believe in a better life.
• Whoever you are, you are someone's ideal. Hold out for the person who sees you as his.

"The supreme happiness of life is the conviction of being loved for yourself, or, more correctly, being loved in spite of yourself." ~Victor Hugo

• Don't turn your tail on your beliefs trying to "win" a man. It's not a victory if you lose yourself.
• Hold yourself to your highest standards no matter how lowly a particular activity may seem. You never know how your actions may be paving the way toward your love.

"To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others." ~Francois Mauriac

• Wait for the person who feels right to you--not to your friends or family. Even if it seems life you've dated every man in town, the right match does exist.
• Don't let a bad experience with one man make you suspicious of the next. All men are not alike.
• Focus on finding the best in people, not the worst. You never know how a relationship will evolve.

"We attract people by the qualities we display; we retain them by the qualities we possess." ~Jean Suard

• Don't make people prove their love. Commitment tests and truth traps create suspicion, never devotion.

"If you would be loved, love and be lovable." ~Benjamin Franklin

• Don't fish for material solutions to relationship problems. No amount of money makes up for a mediocre match.
• Don't give up on love, even if you've been single for one hundred years. The length of time it takes is no reflection of your worth or appeal.

"He does not wait too long who waits for something good." ~Queen Christina of Sweden to Prince Karl Gustav

Wendy Paris

mist

the one who created my yearbook write-up wanted me to give him a word to plug into it just like milkshake in the movie "Before Sunrise." we agreed on mist. here's the polished version of what he came up with...

She looks at you with a pair of knowing eyes. Her dainty hands, swirling her mocha rhapsody with a straw, would at times sway, consciously or unconsciously, brush away a lock of her hair, easing its crease. You sit in front of her, coming up with something to say that she hasn’t known yet. And fail. Then she speaks. Somehow your most profound lines now sound like folly.

But don’t be intimidated, even though she is hardly one of those shallow, resilient lasses that you oftentimes meet in the lobby. In a conversation you glimpse her heart opening up; family, friends and the strife that disturbs them. And a frail tear rolls along her lithe cheek and all your shoddy assumptions about her wash away like a faint unveiling mist.

Yet even that is not enough to know her.

You both stand up as you are leaving Likha Diwa. Passing through its doors, you feel thankful that you’ve found a Christian with whom you can talk your soul out to. You say goodbye and she leaves you with a wave of her hand, a sort of bliss in your heart, and a bemused feeling that you’ll only have again in another conversation with her.

we never had a conversation over a cup of coffee and he had never seen me cry except when watching a movie. but we might never bare our souls to each other again...

milkshake

Poet: So, I would like to make a deal with you. I mean, instead of just asking you for money, I will ask you for a word. Yeah, You give me a word, I take the word, and then, and then I will write a poem, with the word inside. And if you like it, I mean, if you like my poem, and you feel it adds something to your life in any way, then you can pay me whatever you feel like. I will write in English, of course.




Selene: A word, uh... milkshake.




[poet begins to write]















[Poet finishes, and rips sheet from book]



[Poet approaches them]



Poet: Okay. [hands the sheet to them] Look at the poem.
Jesse: [takes poem] Oh, alright. [Opens it up]
Selene: [takes poem from Jesse, offers it back to Poet] Will you read it to us?
Poet: [Takes poem] Sure, okay. [Reads it]

Daydream delusion.
Limousine Eyelash
Oh, baby with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweet cakes and milkshakes [laughs]
I am a delusioned angel
I am a fantasy parade.
I want you to know what I think.
Don't want you to guess anymore.
You have no idea where I came from.
We have no idea where we're going.
Launched in life.
Like branches in the river.
Flowing downstream.
Caught in the current.
I'll carry you. You'll carry me.
That's how it could be.
Don't you know me [poet hands poem back]
Don't you know me by now.

"Delusion Angel" by David Jewell

kids

i knew they'd have access to secrets someday. the time had come. welcome to my life.

quench

after two cups of coffee
and how many drinks,
the lingering headache
slowly begins to dull.
i swallow the bitterness
with each glass poured
and long to quench my thirst
for meaning.
i gaze into the sky,
the moon stares back in
its fullness
and i wish to glimpse
the sunrise.
but the tinted glass
is like a veil separating me
from the dawning of the day
and all its beauty
lies out of reach.
i dream of dancing
to the beat of the drums
to the song that beckons to my soul.
the swirling music,
a rushing river
then silence.

quench

after two cups of coffee
and how many drinks,
the lingering headache
slowly begins to dull.
i swallow the bitterness
with each glass poured
and long to quench my thirst
for meaning.
i gaze into the sky,
the moon stares back in
its fullness
and i wish to glimpse
the sunrise.
but the tinted glass
is like a veil separating me
from the dawning of the day
and all its beauty
lies out of reach.
i dream of dancing
to the beat of the drums
to the song that beckons to my soul.
the swirling music,
a rushing river
then silence.

what does it matter?

my love couldn't keep you.

patheticity

i don't know what to write. but i have this immense need to empty myself of the emotions bubbling within before this armor of apathy fails me. i am tired of answering questions regarding my status. i am not in a relationship and i have no illusions of being in one right now. he may be in a relationship, but that doesn't mean i'm in it, too. simply said, he has a girlfriend and i just found out.

i hate the way he paints a captivating picture of me only to remind me that it was not and will never be enough. i will never be enough.

quartet

j'bee moments

ezem

Only Hope

Switchfoot

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write
over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have
for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope

I give you my destiny
I'm giving you all of me
I want your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope


it's not as easy as it seems. i couldn't even trust myself to be alone yesterday. everything seemed to be a source of pain. so i went on my rollercoaster ride of low lows and high highs. i am thankful that at the end of the day, my emotions somehow balance out.

v_exp

i learned something over the summer. no matter how much a guy loves a girl, he may get tired of waiting for her to mature... it isn't very assuring and it gives me this lingering feeling that i'm somehow unwanted even if i'm not the girl involved... i have no idea why i'm posting this. i guess it makes me examine my own maturity or immaturity, rather. and the possibility that i'll discourage someone someday. maybe this will shed more light regarding doing things in God's time and the disaster that comes from disobedience. i hope i make sense.

180 minutes of Digital Coloring & Painting

Start:	Aug 30, '05 1:00p
End:	Aug 30, '05 4:00p

Painter 9, KPT, and KnockOut tutorials

Start:	Aug 29, '05 1:00p
End:	Aug 29, '05 4:00p

Hosted by Corel, Wacom, and Microtek

digital art

Start:	Aug 29, '05 9:00a
End:	Aug 29, '05 11:30a

Tools, Tricks and Techniques using
Adobe Photoshop

lagoon

bday ni sir quiwa

Start:

Aug 7, '05

pi 100 exam

Start:

Aug 17, '05 8:30a

my independence day

Start:

Aug 19, '04

bday ni icing

Start:

Aug 16, '05

i will go

Here Am I

On the other side of the world
She stands on the ocean shore
Gazing at the heavens
She wonders, is there something more
Never been told the name of Jesus
She turns and walks away
What a shame

Just across the street in your hometown
Leaving from his nine-to-five
Gazing down the road
He wonders, is this all there is to life
Never been told the name of Jesus
He continues on his way
What a shame

Whom shall I send?
Who will go for Me?
To the ends of the earth
Who will rise up for their King
Here am I, send me
Here am I, send me

Whether foreign land or neighbors
Everyone's the same
Searching for the answers
That lie within your name
I wanna proclaim the love of Jesus
In all I do and say, Unashamed

Whom shall I send?
Who will go for Me?
To the ends of the earth
Who will rise up for their King
Here am I, send me
Here am I, send me

How beautiful are feet of those who bring good news
Proclaiming peace and your salvation

Whom shall I send
Who will go for me
To the ends of the earth
Who will rise up for their King
Here am I, send me
Here am I, send me
Here am I, send me

i will go...i hope. i've yet to ask for my parents' permission and seek God's guidance. this passion for the lost started building over the summer and His perfect love had been working in me, casting away my fears.

i will go...if He wills it.

ohana

battles

i am having the time of my life. or maybe i woke up on the right side of the bed just this once... it's my roommie's birthday and i am guilty of sleeping through part of our surprise party for her. i have an exam coming up tomorrow. studying for it had really been a struggle all week. i had been battling with splitting headaches and laziness, that is, the lure of my bed.

these are the things that occupied my mind and my week:

• depression
• creative shot
• fellowships
• cs 140 machine problem
• eee 8 exam
• thesis project presentation (which was moved to wednesday, thank God!)
• surprise for roommie
• pi 100 debate (which i finally decided skip yesterday but had been moved to monday) and field trip to banahaw on sunday (which will take me away from church and from the mp which we plan to submit on that day to receive extra credit)

less is more.

her claim

the one in white claims...

18 "Come now, let us reason together,"
says the LORD.
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool

Isaiah 1:18 (New International Version)

birthday ni lisa

Start:

Jul 28, '05

dcf missions ga

Start:

Aug 3, '05

bday ni aldous

Start:

Aug 21, '05

pi 100 debate

Start:	Jul 28, '05 5:30p
End:	Jul 28, '05 7:00p

bday ni dominic

Start:

Aug 23, '05

bday ni lavinia

Start:

Aug 19, '05

bday ni mary

Start:

Aug 21, '05

bday ni popol

Start:

Aug 6, '05

bday ni erika

Start:

Aug 16, '05

Bible study

Start:	Jul 29, '05 9:00a
Location:	navs tambayan

thesis project presentation

Start:

Aug 3, '05

phantom of the opera

Start:	Jul 29, '05 5:00p
Location:	fc

grad pic

Start:	Jul 28, '05 11:30a
End:	Jul 28, '05 1:00p
Location:	nec 212-213

cs 140 1st exam

Start:	Aug 9, '05 1:00p
End:	Aug 9, '05 2:30p
Location:	mh 215

triple point

at four degrees
one entity exists
in three states...
ice, liquid and vapor.

three persons...
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,
but one God.

pop-up

your bouncy walk

and your close-up smile

-- these are things i have

not seen in a while.

hey, it's not that

i miss you.

but parting adds delight in

how you reach me

where minds meet.

monsterrific

a monster appears...
he roars onscreen and
i laugh in turn.
no longer do i shut him out,
but receive him with warmth.
broken no more,
i pick up the pieces
and glue them with coffee.
who cares how i hang on
to my sanity?
roaring big brothers
make very cute monsters.

birthday ni sansu

Start:

Jul 27, '05

visions

i've been meaning to write about the weekend's events much earlier, but i couldn't seem to. a vision came to pass and triggered another event, another vision to fulfilment. i've been dreading it since summer, praying against it even. you see, it's about possibly losing my mom. last saturday, she was with my sister and nikki, her partner in crime, and they had a car accident. when they were making a U turn, a vehicle hit the one they were riding. nikki and my mom immediately confirmed they were okay, but ate rizza just groaned. she was covered with blood, mud, and shards of glass. someone offered to take them to the hospital, but they left nikki behind to take care of the insurance of the car. they wasted a number of hours at the medical center in east ave. they waited and waited before they were attended to. they did not even clean her wounds. she underwent an x-ray twice. when they decided to transfer her to pgh, the results of the x-ray turned out wrong so she didn't need hand surgery. a finger or two were fractured. as for my mom, she went for a check-up the day after. her face experienced trauma and her vision blurred.

as for me, i only learned these details on sunday night. i met my mom for dinner and had my second outburst in a public place so far. i almost lost two members of my family, but i regained a friend in the process. actually, it was more like i remembered that i have a friend in nathan. i spent the saturday night going through his story for his creative writing class. i was too preoccupied to worry too much about the accident and i am so thankful for that. we communicated through texting on sunday. for some reason, he was the only one i could really open up to at that time about what happened and what i was going through. i've yet to thank him for his prayers.

verses that struck me are...

For you, O LORD, have delivered

my soul from death,

my eyes from tears,

my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk before the LORD

in the land of the living.

Psalm 116:8-9

and

pray continually; give thanks in

all circumstances, for this is God's will

for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:17-18

did i mention that the car was totally wrecked? it truly is a miracle that they're alive. they are in His hands. there's no safer place. =)

kalcf-ycf joint fellowship

Start:	Jul 26, '05 7:00p
End:	Jul 26, '05 10:00p

CE

Start:	Jul 21, '05 3:30p
End:	Jul 21, '05 4:00p

navs classroom evangelism

CE

Start:	Jul 21, '05 11:00a
End:	Jul 21, '05 11:30a

navs classroom evangelism

nav training

Start:

Jul 27, '05

thesis related lit

Start:	Jul 23, '05
Location:	nec 414

birthday ni ate charm

Start:

Jul 19, '05

gripping God's Word

cs 130 mp deadline

Start:

Aug 12, '05

A Tear and a Smile

Kahlil Gibran

I would not exchange the sorrows of my heart
for the joys of the multitude.
And I would not have the tears that sadness makes
to flow from my every part turn into laughter.

I would that my life remain a tear and a smile.

A tear to purify my heart and give me understanding
of life's secrets and hidden things.
A smile to draw me nigh to the sons of my kind
and to be a symbol of my glorification of the gods.

A tear to unite me with those of broken heart;
a smile to be a sign of my joy in existence.

I would rather that I died in yearning
and longing than that I live weary and despairing.

I want the hunger for love and beauty to be in the depths of my spirit,
for I have seen those who are satisfied the most wretched of people.
I have heard the sigh of those in yearning and longing,
and it is sweeter than the sweetest melody.

With evening's coming the flower folds her petals and sleeps, embracing her longing.
At morning's approach she opens her lips to meet the sun's kiss.

The life of a flower is longing and fulfilment.
A tear and a smile.

The waters of the sea become vapor and rise and come together and are a cloud.

And the cloud floats above the hills and valleys until it meets the gentle breeze, then falls weeping to the fields and joins with brooks and rivers to return to the sea, its home.

The life of clouds is a parting and a meeting.
A tear and a smile.

And so does the spirit become separated from
the greater spirit to move in the world of matter
and pass as a cloud over the mountain of sorrow
and the plains of joy to meet the breeze of death
and return whence it came.

To the ocean of Love and Beauty----to God.

strike two

a reccurring nightmare
that is what you bring
until wisdom and mercy's coming
the sting of pain lurks hauntingly
disturbing the calmness within
unceasingly resurfacing.

molave christian movement

http://www.geocities.com/dormschristianfellowship/mcmpage.html

Scar

...That is the way it is with the wound. The wound begins to close in on itself, to protect what is hurting so much. And once it is closed, you no longer see what is underneath, what started the pain.

~AN-MEI HSU, The JOY LUCK CLUB by Amy Tan

birthday ni lisa

Start:

Jul 18, '05

birthday ni charlie

Start:

Jul 18, '05

birthday ni ate joy

Start:

Jul 15, '05

birthday ni marriam

Start:

Jul 17, '05

finding neverland

Start:	Jul 28, '05 5:00p
Location:	up fc

birthday ni daril

Start:

Jul 15, '05

guess who

Start:

Jul 26, '05 5:00p

birthday ni fredd

Start:

Jul 15, '05

classroom evangelism

Start:	Jul 15, '05 8:00a
End:	Jul 15, '05 10:00a
Location:	stat 106

cs 140 mp deadline

Start:

Aug 5, '05 5:00p

field trip

Start:	Jul 31, '05
Location:	banahaw

eee 8 1st exam

Start:

Jul 30, '05

sugarfree concert

Start:	Jul 29, '05
Location:	bahay ng alumni

birthday ni jaydee

Start:

Jul 12, '05

no one

no one saw my unshed tears
no one heard my silent scream
no one imagined the reality of my anguish
no one healed my wounded soul.

no one.
but Jesus.

intramuros

the walled city

picky pics

http://flickr.com/photos/picky_pics

shifting sand

http://annaj.blogs.friendster.com/reality_bites/

I Like For You To Be Still

Pablo Neruda

I like for you to be still
It is as though you are absent
And you hear me from far away
And my voice does not touch you

It seems as though your eyes had flown away
And it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth
As all things are filled with my soul
You emerge from the things
Filled with my soul
You are like my soul
A butterfly of dream
And you are like the word: Melancholy

I like for you to be still
And you seem far away
It sounds as though you are lamenting
A butterfly cooing like a dove
And you hear me from far away
And my voice does not reach you

Let me come to be still in your silence
And let me talk to you with your silence
That is bright as a lamp
Simple, as a ring
You are like the night
With its stillness and constellations
Your silence is that of a star
As remote and candid

I like for you to be still
It is as though you are absent
Distant and full of sorrow
So you would've died
One word then,
One smile is enough
And I'm happy;
Happy that it's not true

picky pics

twin sisters

post grad

playground

ashes

you go where i cannot reach you
unless i step into the flames
and beg you to come with me
you walk into destruction
i wish i could stop you
but i can only watch
as the wind blows
your ashes

wonderland

i stepped into
a world so enchanting
of music so alive
it's exhilarating
i feel the rush
of blood returning
and marvel
at the privelege
of basking in the presence
of the gifted.

road map

everything posted here is of significance in my life. either in the past or present...

a choice

doors are closing and i remember asking God to do just that. but i still don't know where to go. i have this burning desire to serve Him. the question remains: how? my schedule prevents me from committing as the kalayaan brigade head, a position that was offered to me again recently. i also withrew from the mcm core when they forced a choice between mcm and kalcf. i may not be ministering the new kalcfers but i was appointed to oversee the kalbrig and i can't synchronize my schedule with the rest of the mcm core leaders. then there was the navigators nomination today. as much as i am willing to serve in their ministry, i already have persons in mind for the 4 positions available. i was really blessed to hear each one's vision. i have one other thing in mind. let's just say i want the sophisticated bridge my mentor talked about. and i do want to concentrate on my studies.

the question remains...

good enough

do not mistake my silence
for ignorance
and don't tell me that sheep
can shed their wolf's clothing
there's no such thing
find someone who's good enough
she's definitely not.

Tea and Sympathy

Jars of Clay

Fare thee well
Trade in all our words for tea and sympathy
Wonder why we tried, for things that could never be
Play our hearts lament, like an unrehearsed symphony



Not intend
To leave this castle full of empty rooms
Our love the captive in the tower never rescued
And all the victory songs
Seem to be playing out of tune

But it's not the way
That it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy
'Cause it's not the way
That it has to be

You begin
And all your words fall to the floor and break like china cups
And the waitress grabs a broom and tries to sweep them up
I reach for my tea and slowly drink in

'Cause it's not the way
That it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy
'Cause it's not the way
That it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy

So fare thee well
Words the bag of leaves that fill my head
I could taste the bitterness and call the waitress instead
She holds the answer, smiles and asks one teaspoon or two

'Cause it's not the way
That it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy
'Cause it's not the way
That it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy

'Cause it's not the way
That it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy
'Cause it's not the way
That it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy

Don't trade us for tea and sympathy
Don't trade us for tea and Sympathy
We can work it out
Don't trade us for tea and Sympathy
Don't trade us for tea and Sympathy
We can work it out
Don't trade us for tea and Sympathy
We can work it out

i love you

because Jesus loves you.

good enough

do not mistake my silence
for ignorance
and don't tell me that sheep
can shed their wolf's clothing
there's no such thing
find someone who's good enough
she's definitely not.

sheep

the thing about sheep is they are considered among the most stupid creatures. they get lost on their own. i also heard that a shepherd brings two things: a staff, to guide them, and a club for discipline. he breaks the sheep's limb when it strays, so that it may learn, carries it on his shoulder and takes it with him. interestingly, they are known to recognize their Master's voice...




this is my prayer... that the Lord will bring you on your knees.

"Professing to be wise, they became fools." Romans 1:22

Tattooed on my Mind

D'Sound

Yes I know you're tattooed
On my mind you're tattooed

Maybe you'll soon forget about it all,
or maybe you'll miss it like I do.
But one thing's for sure:
I'm all knocked out,
spend too much time thinkin' of you

And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know that you're the dangerous kind
And your smile is tattooed on my mind

And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know you're the dangerous kind
and your smile is tattooed on my mind
Cause I can't get you out of my dreams

Don't wanna write,
I don't wanna call,
I would not know what to say
It should be you
That's how I want it to be
Tell me you feel the same way

And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now know that you're a danger first kind
And your smile is tattooed on my mind
And I can't get you out of my dreams

Oh, Yesterday, I was feelin' safe,
All I do today is tryin' to be brave
and no melody can seem to suit my mind...
and now I curse you for being so sweet and so kind

reflective

From the Lake, No. 1
by Georgia O'Keeffe

warrior

You Are a Warrior Soul

You're a strong person and sometimes seen as intimidating. You don't give up. You're committed and brave. Truly adventuresome, you are not afraid of going to battle. Extremely protective of loved ones, you root for the underdog. You are picky about details and rigorous in your methods. You also value honesty and fairness a great deal. You can be outspoken, intimidating, headstrong, and demanding. You're a hardliner who demands the best from themselves and others. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

eventful

got so much to do but can't seem to. hence, the posts... yesterday was really eventful. i learned more about my gift, its potency and dangers. i also experienced taking a bus by myself for the first time. it was quite an adventure. i rushed to class thinking i was really late and ended up very early. how is that possible? the class got moved an hour late. lolz. my groupmates and i were all in black. the other group (and the prof) were wearing white. my best friend and i helped out at a rummage sale later. i was culture-shocked. there were too many people and they were very difficult customers. they bargained practically everything for 5php. they even demanded we throw in stuff for free! the only reason i will still be helping out in the next weeks in spite of being scammed is our cause. i need only to remind myself that a life is at stake. a very dear friend needs an operation. that should be enough for me to disregard the heat and the shocking attitudes. i can't see myself being a missionary after what happened. i am thankful that i am called to be an insider. by the way, i received free books! got to go... it's time for worship! =)

a true tiger

You Were Actually Born Under:

Fierce and courageous - you are the king of every situation. You pounce and attack, until others give you want you want. Daring and magnetic, you inspire others to follow your lead. And while you're wild at heart, you have some hidden soft spots.

You Should Have Been Born Under:

Fierce and courageous - you are the king of every situation. You pounce and attack, until others give you want you want. Daring and magnetic, you inspire others to follow your lead. And while you're wild at heart, you have some hidden soft spots.

What Year Were You Born Under?

puddle of mud

i am so relieved the mud man did not melt into a puddle at my feet when he cast a mesmer on me...sheesh.





maybe he's one of the People in disguise.

mesmer

the sight of you overwhelms me
as if you are weaving a spell,
a mesmer, on me,
creating a surreal effect
that words cannot even attempt to
captivate a beauty profound beyond reality.

you are set apart in this world for me.

fragments

what you find here are pieces. of a puzzle. i spill too much. reveal too little. fragments. of my reality.

the cold

20 Million
Rivermaya

20 million diamonds crown the sky tonight
Silence for two lovers’ everything
They tell me whispering’s a virtue, and holding hands’ their game
‘Tis cold, it’s cold

And as I watch the candle burn this night away
My life collects another yesterday

Alone in the darkness, I am waiting for the one
While lovers wait for the sun, lay I
Waiting for the one.

Stalk the streets do lovers in this town tonight
20 million heartbeats holding hands
For them, it’s darkness that’s most precious,
but tell me who can I embrace?
The cold? There’s no one here to hold
Who’ll light the darkness with [his] name,
heal this blackout pain

And as I watch the candle turn this night to day

My life collects another yesterday

Alone in the darkness, I am waiting for the one
While lovers wait for the sun, lay I
Waiting for the one.

a no-show...a set-up?

pathetic! past is past.

shipwreck

a stranger wandering under the heat of the sun
lost in a sea of unfamiliar faces
anchored to the place of her roots
waiting for someone who'll take her away

the little prince and his sheep

the little prince asked the pilot to draw him a sheep.



the first three were all rejected.

the fourth time, the pilot drew a box and said the sheep was inside. the rejected evil sheep opened it and the sheep got out and got lost. i say the lost sheep should have been kept in his box...



note to reader: you do know that all this isn't part of the real story, right?

picklocks and patience

armed with these two things,

we are about to conquer a kingdom!
sovereigns abound with skills not far behind.
apprentice magician, squire of the Prince,
and Brother of the Dark.
humans and Moredhel.
unlikely yet undefeatable.
wise we are and without guilt.
thanks to a glitch!

plunge

i plunge into the icy depths of my fears
numbness seeps into my flesh
but it doesn't drive away the madness
nothing makes sense!

doubts and regrets engulf me,
tearing apart my sanity
and i cling to a thread of hope
praying it won't break

now only grace can save me.

in the dark

a ghost drifts in and out of the room
was i the cause of her gloom?
or was that a collision
of her angst with an apathetic world?

she has eyes
that see past me,
and ears
that listen not to what i say.

left without a clue
as to what I can do to appease her,
i try not to notice in her presence
and sit here in silence.

Love Song for a Savior

Jars of Clay

In open fields of wild flowers,
She breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
In no simple language
Someday she’ll understand the meaning of it all

He’s more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close as a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she’ll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He’ll call her and she will come running
And fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she’ll pray,

I want to fall in love with You

Sitting silent wearing sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
Who stare into nowhere, and can’t feel the chains on their souls

He’s more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close as a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we’ll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He’ll call us and we will come running
And fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we’ll pray,

I want to fall in love with You

It seems too easy to call you Savior,
Not close enough to call you God
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
To show my devotion

I want to fall in love with You

My heart beats for You

"Your Letter"

I saw a letter lying on the floor
I couldn't help but look inside
Thought it was something that you must've left
Left there for me to find
All your words were on that page
All my dreams came true that day
I found

Your letter...
Your letter...
It said you loved me
But you didn't know the words to say
It said you never knew that you could ever feel this way
It said you only wish someday that I would feel the same
In your letter
Your letter

I guess it just never occured to me
That you would feel the way I did
You kept the sweetest secret from my heart
You kept those feelings in
Though you never showed a sign
Give a clue to what I'd find
Inside

Your letter...
Your letter...
It said you loved me
But you didn't know the words to say
It said you never knew that you could ever feel this way
It said you only wish someday that I would feel the same
In your letter
Your letter

I was so happy that I almost cried
To think that you would think of me that way
It's like you took my sweetest dream
And made that dream come true
I would be with you
Always...

I saw a name I didn't recognize
I felt the tears come to my eyes
Seeing that the love that you've been longing for
Was another love, not mine
No, you never showed a sign
But it was right there in the lines
Inside

Your letter
Your letter
It said you loved [her]
But you didn't know the words to say
It said you never knew that you could ever feel this way
It said you only wish someday that [she] would feel the same
In your letter
Your letter

I saw a letter lying on the floor...

honey or vinegar

The preacher placed two identical jars on the table next to the pulpit. He quoted 1 Samuel 16:7, and said "For the LORD sees not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the the heart."

These jars came from the same factory, were made of the same materials, and can hold the same amount. But they are different, he explained. Then he upset one and it oozed out honey. He turned over the other, and vinegar spilled out.

"When a jar is upset, whatever is in it comes out. Until the jars were upset, they looked alike. The difference lay within, and could not be seen. When they were upset, their contents were revealed."

Until we are upset, we put on a good front. But when we are upset, we reveal or innermost thoughts and attitudes, for "out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaketh." (Luke 6:45)

What if someone tipped you over today? What would flow out? Would you reveal the "honey" of grace and patience, or the "vinegar" of anger and sarcasm? "And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8)

a sorta fairytale

tori amos
scarlet's walk

on my way up north

up on the ventura i pulled back the hood

and i was talkin to you

and i knew then it would be a life long thing

but i didn't know that we

we could break a silver lining

and i'm so sad

like a good book i can't put this

day back

a sorta fairytale with you

a sorta fairytale with you

things you said that day

up on the 101

the girl had come undone

i tried to downplay it with a

bet about us

you said that

you'd take it as

long as i could

i could not erase it

and i'm so sad

like a good book i can't put this

day backa sorta fairytale with you

a sorta fairytale with you

and i ride along side

and i rode along side you then

and i rode along side

til you lost it there in the open road

and i road along side

until the honey spread itself so thin

for me to break your bread

for me to take your word

i had to steal it

way up north i took my day

all in all it was a pretty nice day and i

put the hood right back where

you could taste heaven perfectly

feel out the summer breeze

didn't know when we'd be back and i

i don't

didn't think

we'd end up like this

and i'm so sad

like a good book i can't put this

day backa sorta fairytale with you

a sorta fairytale with you

i could pick back up whenever i feel

"...and that's why it's a 'sort of' fairy tale, because she wasn't a princess."

Until

I never thought
God's gift wasn't mine
to keep
but simply to hold on to.

Until the dawning of understanding,
Until the revelation of truth.

Planks and Oars

A fascinating dream,
a breathtaking adventure
Of planks and oars
Our very own neverland.

The warmth of your smile,
the excitement and the mystery
Of you and me.
Our very own make-believe.

Fantasy, sugar-sprinkled reality.