on "i kissed dating goodbye"

Deepening intimacy without defining a level of commitment is dangerous. It's like going mountain climbing with a partner who isn't sure he wants the responsibility of holding your rope. When you've climbed two thousand feet up a mountain face, you don't want to have a conversation about how she feels "tied down" by your relationship.

~Joshua Harris

i read the first couple of chapters. it's tearing me apart. anyone who had set foot on this blog would know i had been a victim of someone's mistakes. but little do they know that in my selfishness and weakness, i also took whatever intimacy was offered while refusing to make a commitment. the worst part is i failed to glorify God in my actions and motives. the last time, when i sought His will, He didn't say no. He said wait. but i was impatient and look where it got me. it turned me into a whimpering coward. if i weren't so skilled at looking pretty when i'm down in the dumps, i would have been more pathetic.

the first chapter presented a picture of a man offering his bride whatever is left of his heart. i just can't help but look back at a story my best friend shared back in high school. it was about the most beautiful heart. a younger guy with a perfect heart and a supposedly wizened old man whose heart was tattered. guess what? the old man claimed to possess the most beautiful heart because pieces were torn out when shared with others, creating holes, while those who gave of their hearts made his own look even less appealing. those bits he received were either stuffed into the holes or clumped over his heart. the two stories seem to contradict each other because the latter seems to be encouraging mistakes...

i'm guilty of so much more. but you don't expect me to spill my guts here, do you? you'd have to split me open to do that. and i thought we were friends... =p seriously, i realized that it's not just about my needs and the commitments that prevent me from making another one. it's also about loving someone the way God loves us. if it were possible to love the one God wills for me maybe before i even meet him, my way of doing so is by patiently waiting for him and treating guys who come into my life with respect as he will be one of them. ^_^

The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment ~Joshua Harris

just in case you guessed, i read Boy Meets Girl prior to this one. that's how impatient i was. =p