to steven curtis chapman fans

Steven Curtis ChapmanLive in Manila.
May 7,2006, Sunday 7-9pm
PICC Plenary Hall (great seats!)

http://iwillbehere2006.blogspot.com/

nothing profound

i spend half of my summer days asleep. unless it's a sunday. the remaining time is divided among attending my sister's speech improvement class, watching television, blogging and blog-hopping, and playing dota. the last one turned into an addiction. but it brings me so much closer to my li'l bro and my cousins. it brings me so much joy. because behind it lies that longing to belong. right now, i don't really have people to talk to. i have friends here but we lost touch and i'm too stubborn to contact them. besides, the summer heat makes hanging out in our city less than ideal. i couldn't answer when one of them asked me why i didn't say when i got home. maybe i'll take my cousin's offer to eat out next week. i can't pour everything into blogs and games. i also ran out of books to escape into. i need to pray more. and sleep less.

the other blogs i visited seem so profound. i'm starting to wonder if i'm growing at all.

vengeance

Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God,
for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord.
"But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head."
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:19-21 (New American Standard Bible)

this is quite a challenge when the world's biggest jerk turned you into the world's greatest fool. it's so tempting to pawn his head when i get back. but what scares me more is being vulnerable to his deception again.

when he apologized for toying with my feelings, i didn't realize just how guilty he was. all his talk of guarding my heart was just a pretense.

he turned me into the other girl. i didn't even have the slightest idea what was going on. they laughed behind my back while he pretended to be my friend. i wish i never gave in to his pathetic whims. i sacrificed so much for him only to find out he used me.

i used to think he's all that. but he doesn't even possess a heart. and let's not start pointing out all his faults. it would take us forever.

basically, he left me hanging in the air. then i came crashing to the ground.

this guy was supposed to be my brother in Christ. he should learn to fear the Lord.

i should learn to forgive him. he doesn't deserve it. but neither did i when Christ forgave me. even fictional vampires forgave each other for the deepest betrayal, dark creatures that they are. so much more is expected of me.

When The Stars Go Blue

Dancin' where the stars go blue
Dancin' where the evening fell
Dancin' in my wooden shoes
In a wedding gown

Dancin' out on 7th street
Dancin' through the underground
Dancin' little marionette
Are you happy now?

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you
When the stars go blue
When the stars go blue

Laughing with your pretty mouth
Laughing with your broken eyes
Laughing with your lover's tongue
In a lullaby

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you
When the stars go blue
The stars go blue, stars go blue

Follow you
Follow you

When the stars go blue
When the stars go blue
When the stars go blue
When the stars go blue

Where do you go when you're lonely?
Where do you go when the stars go blue?

[Tyler Hilton feat. Bethany Joy Lenz]

to the moon

a faint smile
appears in the pale blue sky
the darkness sets in
its contrast magnifies
the curving lips of one wise

yellow

Your Love Song Is

Yellow by Coldplay "Look at the stars, Look how they shine for you, And everything you do, Yeah they were all yellow" You're so in love, it's like a drug.

What Love Song Are You?

janna frappe

You Are a Frappacino

At your best, you are: fun loving, sweet, and modern At your worst, you are: childish and over indulgent You drink coffee when: you're craving something sweet Your caffeine addiction level: low

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

rational me

Your Personality Is

Rational (NT) You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas. You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy! Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people. In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally. You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought. Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals. In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent. At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia. With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well. As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly. On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

The Three Question Personality Test

teal

You Are Teal Green

You are a one of a kind, original person. There's no one even close to being like you. Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible. While you are a bit offbeat, you don't scare people away with your quirks. Your warm personality nicely counteracts and strange habits you may have.

What Color Green Are You?

You Are 48% Abnormal You are at medium risk for be...

You Are 48% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul. You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at high risk for having a social phobia. It is very likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

flight

two birds trotting along
then caught in a chase with a little boy
they fly so low
almost belonging here
in an airport lounge
oh, how i envy them!
i wish for a companion
together, we would soar.

boundaries

Boundaries don't keep people out. They fence you in.

You can waste your life drawing lines. Or you could spend it crossing them.

~ Meredith, Grey's Anatomy

Louis

But why think of it now? He had loved me whether or not he knew it...

He had grieved for me, I'll give him that much. But then he is so good at grieving! He wears woe as others wear velvet; sorrow flatters him like the light of candles; tears become him like jewels.

Well, none of that trash works for me.

~ Lestat, The Tale of the Body Thief byAnne Rice

Louis

But why think of it now? He had loved me whether or not he knew it...

He had grieved for me, I'll give him that much. But then he is so
good at grieving! He wears woe as others wear velvet; sorrow flatters him
like the light of candles; tears become him like jewels.

Well, none of that trash works for me.

~ Lestat, The Tale of the Body Thief byAnne Rice

mortal

i find myself in a situation much like Lestat's in The Tale of the Body Thief by Anne Rice. stuck in the vicious cycle of life. weak. helpless. desperate. confronted by the possibility of death. terrified. abandoned. drowning in regret. angry. badly mistaken. suffering.

memory of a sunrise

"My last sunrise," said the vampire. "That morning, I was not yet a vampire and I saw my last sunrise.

"I remember it completely; yet I do not think I remember any other sunrise before it..."


~ Louis, Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice

Louis

"My last sunrise," said the vampire. "That morning, I was not yet a vampire and I saw my last sunrise.

"I remember it completely; yet I do not think I remember any other sunrise before it..."


[from Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice]

Daniel

The music, where did the music come from? A low, mournful jazz trumpet, playing all alone. It stopped him, this hollow melancholy song, the notes flowing slowly into one another. He did not want to move just now. He wanted to say he understood what was happening, but he was absorbing each broken sound.

[from Queen of the Damned by Anne Rice]

a bee and a windowglass

Very little is
more worth our time
than understanding
the talent of Substance.
...
A bee, a living bee,
at the windowglass, trying to get out, doomed,
it can't understand.


STAN RICE
Untitled Poem
from
Pig's Progress (1976)

haunting

...I did not like it; I did not want to be here. It was haunted; but
real hauntings have nothing to do with ghosts finally; they have to do
with menace of memory...

~ Lestat, Queen of the Damned by Anne Rice

Daniel

The music, where did the music come from? A low, mournful jazz trumpet, playing all alone. It stopped him, this hollow melancholy song, the notes flowing slowly into one another. He did not want to move just now. He wanted to say he understood what was happening, but he was absorbing each broken sound.

[from Queen of the Damned by Anne Rice]

selfsong

No one is listening.
Now you may sing the selfsong,
as the bird does, not for territory
or dominance,
but for self-enlargement.
Let something
come from nothing.
...


STAN RICE
from "Texas Suite"
Body of Work (1983)

a bee and a windowglass

Very little is
more worth our time
than understanding
the talent of Substance.
...
A bee, a living bee,
at the windowglass, trying to get out, doomed,
it can't understand.


STAN RICE
Untitled Poem
from
Pig's Progress (1976)

haunting

"...I did not like it; I did not want to be here. It was haunted; but
real hauntings have nothing to do with ghosts finally; they have to do
with menace of memory..."

~ Lestat, "Queen of the Damned" by Anne Rice