Submission is not only a love word, it is also a relationship word. Our strengths do not help others unless others are willing to let us help them. Submission is in the "letting."
Without trust, we cannot practice submission. We can practice compliance or some caricature of submission, but not submission. A lack of submission is evidence of a lack of humility...
Vulnerability is the link between humility and submission. Vulnerability results from intentionally placing yourself under someone's influence. Vulnerability is your choice to let others know you, to have access to your life, to teach and to influence you--to not just see the cracks but to fill them. Vulnerability means you give someone the right to know the pain of your weaknesses and to care for the need of your weaknesses.
In relationships, vulnerability does not equate to transparency. Transparency has some value, but it is limited to disclosing yourself (perhaps selectively) to others, or perhaps, simply being others around enough so that you are aware of your strengths and foibles. Submission requires you to move beyond transparency to vulnerability. Vulnerability means giving someone the opportunity to do something about those strengths and foibles...
Vulnerability also triggers a two-way relational effect. First, people gain access to your life, as you submit to their influence. Second, you are given access to their lives as they trust you and see your life open to them. You know what this kind of relationship is called? Authentic.
To move beyond transparency to vulnerability, you must know how to give and receive permission.
Trust does not lead to vulnerability as much as vulnerability leads to trust.
Without trust, we cannot practice submission. We can practice compliance or some caricature of submission, but not submission. A lack of submission is evidence of a lack of humility...
Vulnerability is the link between humility and submission. Vulnerability results from intentionally placing yourself under someone's influence. Vulnerability is your choice to let others know you, to have access to your life, to teach and to influence you--to not just see the cracks but to fill them. Vulnerability means you give someone the right to know the pain of your weaknesses and to care for the need of your weaknesses.
In relationships, vulnerability does not equate to transparency. Transparency has some value, but it is limited to disclosing yourself (perhaps selectively) to others, or perhaps, simply being others around enough so that you are aware of your strengths and foibles. Submission requires you to move beyond transparency to vulnerability. Vulnerability means giving someone the opportunity to do something about those strengths and foibles...
Vulnerability also triggers a two-way relational effect. First, people gain access to your life, as you submit to their influence. Second, you are given access to their lives as they trust you and see your life open to them. You know what this kind of relationship is called? Authentic.
To move beyond transparency to vulnerability, you must know how to give and receive permission.
Trust does not lead to vulnerability as much as vulnerability leads to trust.
[from Building a High-Trust Culture]
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