things to buy

1. lcd monitor
2. a jacket for rainy days and winter
3. motherboard, processor, ddr2 ram, and video card for aj
4. acoustic guitar
5. colgate toothpaste, big and small
6. khaki slacks
7. formal tops
8. cute mouse pad with wrist thingie
9. kahon
10. comfy white shoes/sandals
11. comfy black sandals
12. white girly bag
13. artstuff
14. chronicles of narnia
15. small tumbler

ids 02 reunion

Start:	Dec 22, '07
End:	Dec 23, '07
Location:	(naawan?) beach resort

His.

http://hisbeloved.wordpress.com

fila

Rating:	★★★★★
Category:	Other

benj and i bought new rubber shoes yesterday. (we hope they will last until marriage.) i think mine cost 2k php less than its regular price.

they have a wonderful sale until january. you could check.

at the city of waterfalls with my birthday gift

these were taken last summer. ^_^

dcf camp 2007

word of life, laguna

W3Schools Online Web Tutorials

http://w3schools.com
This site helped me out so many times that I've lost count. It's great for testing and debugging! ^_^

Confessor

Rating:	★★★
Category:	Books
Genre:	Science Fiction & Fantasy
Author:	Terry Goodkind

Preachy. Dragging. Except for the scenes with steel, magic, broc, and chalk.

It veered off from the story to attack God and church. That was totally unnecessary.

Too many characters were reintroduced.

Well, I didn't 'put the book' down until I finished it. It didn't live up to my expectations, but it was still worth reading.

UP Diliman (messenger.blog-city.com)

http://messenger.blog-city.com/up_diliman.htm
nice pics

evil laugh

What's Your Nightmare Career?

My Result: Telemarketer

Does the very though of an impromptu speech make you sweat? Avoid making calls to strangers at all costs? Then it's no surprise that telemarketing would be your absolute career nightmare. Harassing people while they eat dinner, selling things they don't need, and asking if they would mind "answering a couple of questions"? No, thanks. You'd rather be mute.


When it comes to the workplace, making a big scene isn't exactly your forte. Instead, your perfect job would be the kind that taps into your introverted brilliance. You enjoy the opportunity to figure things out on your own. And while you sometimes enjoy working as a team, you really thrive when your gears are grinding, your mind is working, and it's all done low-key. Being on stage isn't your ultimate goal — so step away from that call center — you've got better things in mind!

Take this test >

chalk

A wise man once told me
When I was dying just the same
The past can be like sidewalk chalk
If you will dance and pray for rain

[from Forget What You Know by Caedmon's Call]

adik!

Sushi Go Round Serve all the customers in the Sushi Restaurant

Play this free game now!!

trust and obey

that's the title of my favorite hymn in my sunday school days. i heard it played on the piano yesterday.

trust and obey
for there's no other way
to be happy in Jesus
but to trust and obey

so goes the refrain.

are you happy?

no one is unhappier
than a Christian
outside the will of Christ.

different takes

a trip to villa escudero

...

Break Up? Are You Kidding?

Your relationship is top notch, period! Why are you even taking this quiz? :-) Maybe you know you've got a good thing going Or maybe you're a little shaky from a fight Either way, stick with this guy!

Should You Break Up With Him?

if the shoe fits

i don't want to play the princess anymore. i want to be the witch.

it's not fun to be locked up in a tower while waiting for a prince.

i'm coming home

Start:	Dec 22, '07
Location:	one airport then another

anniversary

Start:

Apr 11, '08

JLPT level 4

Start:

Dec 2, '07

please pray that i would pass this exam with excellence. and that i may glorify my Maker whatever the outcome. thank you! ^_^

kaisha no patei

silence

take, take 'til there's nothing
nothing to turn to
nothing when you get through
won't you break
scatter pieces of all i've been
bowing to all i've been
running to
where are you?

where are you?

did you leave me unbreakable?
leave me frozen?
i've never felt so cold
i thought you were silent
i thought you left me
for the wreckage and the waste
on an empty beach of faith
was it true?

yes, i, i got a question
i got a question
where are you?

scream
deeper, i wanna scream
i want you to hear me
i want you to find me
i, i want to believe
but all i pray is wrong
and all i claim is gone

well, i, i got a question
i got a question
where are you?
yeah, yeah

well, i, i got a question
i got a question
where are you?

where are you?
where are you?
where are you?

[jars of clay]

finally!

Yay! Shrimp lives another day.

emphasis mine

The LORD Appears to Elijah

And the word of the LORD came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

10 He replied, "I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."

11 The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

14 He replied, "I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."

15 The LORD said to him, "Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. When you get there, anoint Hazael king over Aram. 16 Also, anoint Jehu son of Nimshi king over Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet. 17 Jehu will put to death any who escape the sword of Hazael, and Elisha will put to death any who escape the sword of Jehu. 18 Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and all whose mouths have not kissed him."

[from 1 Kings 19]

i love You

You ask for a lot
but when did You not?

i will call You Lord
and do as You say.

obedience

demanding
difficult
demonstration of love

we love because He first loved us. if we don't, we should.

discipline

by itself, it could be misunderstood. but righteousness is its fruit.



discipline out of love, out of obeying the second greatest commandment? but the Lord let the adulterous woman go...

nospace

ifeellikei'vebeenholdingoninvain
withoutreallyknowingwhat'sgoingon
maybei'llbebacksomeday
whenhopecrossesmypathduringmyescape

unanswered

i looked back
it's been so long
and i've come so far
but my questions
still remain

up down

i failed the mock exam i slept through

i achieved something i had been attempting since last week

perfect

You Scored an A

You got 10/10 questions correct. It's pretty obvious that you don't make basic grammatical errors. If anything, you're annoyed when people make simple mistakes on their blogs. As far as people with bad grammar go, you know they're only human. And it's humanity and its current condition that truly disturb you sometimes.

The It's Its There Their They're Quiz

vamp

You Could Definitely Be a Vampire

Immortality, staying pretty forever, not having to get a job... you could definitely eat some flesh for these things. It's not that you're a murderer by nature. In fact, you're probably the furthest thing from it. However, if you woke up a vampire, you'd certainly be able to adapt and enjoy your new lifestyle. There might not be much better than living forever, even if it means giving up your soul. What you would like best about being a vampire: Being a total outsider What you would like least about being a vampire: Other vampires

Could You Be a Vampire?

burned out

You Are 84% Burned Out

You are extremely burned out. You work too hard, and you're not getting the results you deserve. It's time for a life change, as soon as you can manage it. You're giving away most of your energy to something you don't even enjoy.

Are You Burned Out?

nothing

i'm tired
from doing nothing
from not being able
to do anything

why do a prophet's words
fall on deaf ears?

tsk tsk

just when you think you can get any more disappointed
you find out you're wrong

there is no one righteous. not one.

Center Aisle

Thank God I’m back in my car
And driving home, and driving home
Cause the air was thin and so cold
Back in there
It was my first time
Won't be my last time
And the questions rise
Expectations fall
In light of it all

There aren't words to say,
Words aren't remembered
The presence is
A good friend once told me
And he was there, he was there
She wasn’t there
And it’s not fair, it’s not fair

What crimes have you committed
Demanding such penance
That couldn't wait for five more minutes
And I cry for help
Cause this room is so peaceful
And this room is so quiet
And I hate the silence
And I can’t walk
The center aisle

I’ve been here for over three hours
Behind the flowers
So beautiful and young
And so alive
And so in need of someone,
Someone to talk to them
Cause theirs are fragile lives

What crimes have you committed
Demanding such penance
That couldn't wait for five more minutes
And I cry for help
Cause this room is so peaceful
And this room is so quiet
And I hate the silence
And I can’t walk
The center aisle

I think about my brother
And how I just stood there
My hands in my pockets,
And my heart in my throat

Thank god I’m back in my car
And driving home, and driving home
But in that place I leave
All my days
I’ve taken life for granted
And the words I wrote for her
And my best friend crying
And a young girl lying
On all our hearts

What crimes have you committed
Demanding such penance
That couldn't wait for five more minutes
And I cry for help
Cause this room is so peaceful
And this room is so quiet
And I hate the silence
And I can’t walk
The center aisle

[Caedmon's Call]

very good.

thank you. ^_^

used to

i used to love raisins
i used to eat with a fork on my right hand and a spoon in my left
i used to be a little girl who was without a care in the world

ping pong

a week ago my feet were exhausted
from walking back and forth around the university
it would have been fun if i wasn't in a hurry

as i was sitting on a couch
with a white hood covering my face
i sensed a presence approaching

it was my master
who came to wash my feet.

something to clear confusion...

the word “justify” means: not make just, but declare just.

[when the darkness will not lift by john piper]

sigh.

In my world, it's raining.

~ Shota, Phantom by Terry Goodkind

orphans

funny how the passivity
of one affects so many
no wonder everyone
feels so lonely

uh-oh!

Admiration is the emotion farthest from comprehension.

~ Aizen Taichou, Bleach

atip

atup

atop

=p

once and for all

Day after day every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But when this priest had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God. Since that time he waits for his enemies to be made his footstool, because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.

(Hebrews 10:11-14)

click to read whole chapter

i can't...

save the shrimp!

Home Tonight

I’ve come to my senses
How did I get so far from home
The lies dissipating
Revealing I’m so alone
And I remember now how strong love can be
And I wonder how did I ever leave

Burn your fire on the altar
Leave a candle on the porch
I’m still too far away to see it
But I’m aching for its warmth
And I’m so tired and cold and dark and lonesome
But still I hear your song inside
So sing it louder if you want me home tonight
Sing it loud now, ‘cause I’m comin’ home tonight

This isn’t the first time
I’ve wandered away from home before
You’d have every reason
To slam and dead-bolt the door
But I remember now how strong your love can be
And I wonder how you might welcome me

Burn your fire on the altar
Leave a candle on the porch
I’m still too far away to see it
But I’m aching for its warmth
And I’m so tired and cold and dark and lonesome
But still I hear your song inside
So sing it louder if you want me home tonight
Sing it loud now, ‘cause I’m comin’ home tonight

Into your arms, to my back yard
Where I used to play
How I miss the days...

So burn your fire on the altar
Leave a candle on the porch
I’m still too far away to see it
But I’m aching for its warmth
And I’m so tired and cold and dark and lonesome
But still I hear your song inside
So sing it louder if you want me home tonight
Sing it loud now, ‘cause I’m comin’ home tonight

[Chris Rice]

mga nadadaanan

peyups

good advice

Don't make decisions when you're emotionally high.

as usual, you're right...

*hug*

there are thoughts i push aside
that can make me stare into space

there are times when i need a hug
just to feel that i am safe




thank you for suffering inconvenience and coming to my rescue.

insecurity

sometimes i wonder if anyone
understands me
or even attempts to
because when i look at myself
i think i'm okay
compared to him,
compared to her
then you tell me i'm not and
that you chose to love me anyway
perhaps someday i'll learn
to believe that
beneath the surface
you truly see
someone beautiful

anticipation

nervous. excited. scared of being disappointed.






breathe.

Wizard's 10th Rule

Willfully turning aside from the truth is treason to one's self.

[from Phantom by Terry Goodkind]

roots

Reality doesn't indulge wishes.

To those seeking the truth, it's a matter of simple, rational self-interest to always keep reality in view. Truth is rooted in reality, after all, not the imagination.

~Zedd, Phantom by Terry Goodkind

heart of stone

Those who are far from insane often act in an irrational manner. Don't excuse such conscious and deliberate actions with so convenient an explanation as insanity.

When she gave him a puzzled look, Zedd opened his hands in a gesture of pained frustration at an old dilemma he had seen all too often.

All sorts of people who strongly want to believe in something are frequently unwilling to see the truth no matter how obvious it is. They make that choice.

[from Phantom by Terry Goodkind]

seemingly right...

profoundly wrong.

loyalty

You Are a Good Friend Because You're Loyal

You stick with your friends no matter what, even if you feel like they're doing the wrong thing. You believe in letting people figure out their own path in life. It's not your place to interfere. And part of your loyalty means that you'll do a lot for your friends. You definitely go the extra mile. You'll even do great things for friends without them asking. After all, that's what friendship is all about. You are truly a friend for life. And you have friends you've known since you were a kid. Your friends can count on you to do a favor, remember a birthday, or just be there to listen. Your friends need you most when: They can't turn to anyone else You really can't be friends with: Fickle people who change friends quickly Your friendship quote: "Friendship doubles your joys, and divides your sorrows."

What Makes You a Good Friend?

balloon session

i just found out i'm skilled in popping balloons. the guard gave us two bags full last night instead of throwing them away. i also managed to make a snake with eyes by twisting one of the long ones.

we're celebrating meeting this week's deadlines. praise God for impromptu knowledge on visio usage. ^_^

dagger looks

i scare people even
when i don't mean to...

how much more when i do?

Alpha and Omega?

famous last words

i'm not ready yet.

i'm not prepared to fly to japan in two week's notice
and stay there for the next few years.

will it stand against intense persuasion?
what if they ask me what i need.

time.

the one thing they cannot give.

{care.*}

i wanted to be carefree but i only became careless.

i realized you couldn't be the former without becoming the latter.
not only do people get hurt in the process,
we also deprive the Lord of the glory He deserves.

my apologies.

carefree

1. 1. free of trouble and worry and care
2. 2. cheerfully irresponsible

careless

1. 1. Taking insufficient care; negligent
2. 2. Marked by or resulting from lack of forethought or thoroughness
3. 3. Showing a lack of consideration
4. 4. Unconcerned or indifferent; heedless
5. 5. Unstudied or effortless
6. 6. Exhibiting a disposition that is free from cares; cheerful

[from thefreedictionary.com]

princess parade

...regression...

a few of my favorite things

avocado "ice cream"
bed
coffee

are the last two things contradictory? =p

oh well.

wisdom

it's the difference between knowing and doing...

what is right.

in times of persecution

Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.

(Luke 23:34)

who am i?

who am i
to hold back
water from the thirsty,
food from the hungry,
truth from the seeking?

who am i
to keep silent,
to still my tongue
from proclaiming
that we have hope?

who am i
to not share good news
when it can bring back the lost,
and cause the angels in heaven to rejoice?

who am i
to not overflow with words
of thanksgiving and praise
for His mercy and grace?

you can have all this world...

if i were rich

i would buy up all the time in the world
bask in the sunshine
walk in the rain
eat chocolates
stare into nothingness
hug my pillow
hide under the covers
and sleep

me full

Let me, O let me bathe my soul in colors; let me swallow the sunset and drink the rainbow.

~Kahlil Gibran

a fish out of water

someone's description of me

loneliness,
fear,
confusion,
doubts,
panic.

that's what happens when you feel lost. you don't know what to do, where to go, or who to run to.

so you pray.

then you can breathe and slowly get used to the things that surround you.

because where you are is where He placed you. and everything in your life testifies of His faithfulness.

and you watch as He breathes life into the decaying things and turns them into something beautiful.

umuusok sa lamig

the place between

you know the place between you know you're asleep and awake? the time when you can still remember what you were dreaming? that's where i will always love you.

~ tink

fossils

there are things we unearth
feelings that don't fade
buried beneath what is,
what was remains the same

memories locked away
from reality's tears
untainted by bitterness
and jealousy

a stranger in dreams
a performer on stage
always beyond reach
may our paths never meet.

stillness

i find it unsettling
to be just sitting in front
of a computer screen
when people out there
are chasing their dreams.

my passion is my frustration.

i do love what i do but
i want to do what i love, too.

rainbows

each one is unique
and can't be shared
unless you take a pic
sad, isn't it?

pleasure and pain

there's more to life than these.

but the contrast is beautiful.

going back

...to wondering...

why i am here?

because where i am reminds me of things.
like knowing i know nothing.
that the God of the universe
is also the God of the computer world.

because i constantly find myself lost
and incapable of even the simplest scripts.

because i constantly learn
of data structures and algorithms.
of humility and brokenness.
of who He is and what He can do
and has done to fix my mess.

because i have a God
who showed me His faithfulness.
and i could claim His promises.

because i can boast of nothing.
except that i know Him.

because He wipes each tear.
and heals my wounds.

because He placed me here.
not to be abandoned
but to experience more of Him
and give Him back all
the glory, honor and praise.

how to be a pessimist

1. listen to someone enumerate your faults
2. step into their shoes
3. believe you can't change
4. view life as a curse
5. cease hoping against hope

when you can't see where you're going, you won't get there. unless someone takes you by the hand and guides you. but will you let Him?

i need the reminder.

love not because of but in spite of.

water

one second it symbolizes tranquility
the next it threatens to drown you
only to entice you with death when it fails.

dirty and useless

that's not how i want to be
Lord, consecrate me please
and use me...

see no evil

chemistry talk

only one

only one love will never fail.


His.


mine will. his will. yours will.

space and time

spacing out
eats up time

yes, most of mine.

=p

thoughts

are you willing to go to another country for your job?

are you willing to go o another country for God?

wishlist

1. trench coat
2. digicam with super cool lens
3. at least 1gb ram
4. macbook
5. dance lessons
   
6. a set of knives
7. lots of free time
8. a roommate or three
9. a dog
10. a car or two or more

some things cannot be bought, others will have to wait. but i now have a good motivation to save.

caffeine addicts anonymous

this is my third day without any caffeinated drink due to two consecutive asthma attacks.

drinking coffee would kill me (it would worsen my asthma) and not drinking coffee is killing me (caffeine withdrawal, dude).

i am in so much pain. i feel like puking. my head hurts. i can't sleep but i'm always sleepy.

i hate this.

***

multiple indirection
leads me in the wrong direction

i will

fail you, frustrate you,
and disappoint you.
if not today, tomorrow.

realize this.

and if i already did,
my apologies.

unfinished

like my unpacking,
my previous project,
my training exercise,
my list of things to do
and things to buy,
but so is this night.

that means i have time
to come closer to
accomplishing my goals,
or to come closer
to the Father's throne
to surrender my plans,
or both.

forgettable

you smile, i smile
no offense but
at the back of my mind,
i'm still trying to fetch your name

staple food: pizza

i had pizza, chicken, and mojos for dinner with my closest friends last night. then i had pizza and mudpie sundae for brunch with my brothers. and now i'm having last night's leftover pizza for dinner because he cancelled at the last minute. what's the use of having time on your hands when you can't function?

slept all day

i must have been really tired from working all day yesterday and going shopping after. i probably wouldn't have gotten up in the morning if my brothers didn't summon me from my bed. i also feel sick. i think i have a dry throat and a fever. perhaps i'm also in my escapist mode with work from my old job's deliverables piling up and my starting with my new one tomorrow. i still lack some of the required documents. i don't know what the penalty would be... i'm not excited or anything. i dread change.

crumbling again

you can't really stay on top of the world
because it rotates under your feet
you need to keep up
but what if you don't really know
what to do and where to go?
what if everyone who loves you
feels so far away
and the only thing you share
is this cyberspace?

sobs

i hide my hurts under the covers of my bed
there is no music to soothe me
no roommie to break this monotony

unexpected

Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Then somebody bends
Unexpectedly
Just a little change
Small to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Beauty and the Beast

Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before
Ever just as sure
As the sun will rise

Tale as old as time
Tune as old as song
Bittersweet and strange
Finding you can change
Learning you were wrong
Certain as the sun
Rising in the east
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast

Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast

[Beauty and the Beast]

countdown

we're back to counting down
but this time it's days
and not months
of which today is the last
and then time will run
really fast

the long wait is over

i am finally graduating! ^_^

praise God!

waiting kills

the deadline has gone by
and still no grades

does this mean i can't graduate
due to a technicality?

will it matter if i pass or fail?

at least i have something to look forward to.

;)

brandy the pug

cute. small and ugly.

for fellow bubble wrap addicts

http://fun.from.hell.pl/2003-11-24/bubblewrap.swf

^_^

.

I don't know what the future holds... But I want to finish what I came here for.

~ Garnet

what causes the hurt?

if it's not the intention, it must be the indifference...

redundancy?

rosas na (kulay) rosas ang sumalubong sa aking pag-uwi sa aming silid tulugan. awww... wala na, tunaw na ako...

happiness means

a good cry
a surprise visit from your bestfriend
a hug
a late christmas gift
a trip to the mall
window shopping for a dress
puppies
two pieces of chicken
two towels
a phone call
a series of concerned text messages
a cat
a good night's sleep
T-bone steak
a cup of ice cream
a dress arriving all the way from home just in time
songs on stage
pictures
half a pint of ice cream
finding rest

Ode to Sadness

Sadness, scarab
with seven crippled feet,
spiderweb egg,
scramble-brained rat,
bitch's skeleton:
No entry here.
Don't come in.
Go away.
Go back
south with your umbrella,
go back
north with your serpent's teeth.
A poet lives here.
No sadness may
cross this threshold.
Through these windows
comes the breath of the world,
fresh red roses,
flags embroidered with
the victories of the people.
No.
No entry.
Flap
your bat's wings,
I will trample the feathers
that fall from your mantle,
I will sweep the bits and pieces
of your carcass to
the four corners of the wind,
I will wring your neck,
I will stitch your eyelids shut,
I will sew your shroud,
sadness, and bury your rodent bones
beneath the springtime of an apple tree.


[Pablo Neruda]

...do(es) not...

Gifts alone do not entice me;
Parting does not discourage me;
Poverty does not chase me;
Jealousy does not prove my awareness;
Madness does not evidence my presence.

~ Kahlil Gibran, from Song of Love

caution

I appeared to Adam through Eve
And exile was his lot;
Yet I revealed myself to Solomon, and he drew wisdom from my presence.

~ Kahlil Gibran, from Song of Love

it

It is something that gathers strength with patience, grows despite obstacles, warms in winter, flourishes in spring, casts a breeze in summer, and bears fruit in autumn -- I found Love.

~ Kahlil Gibran, from Laughter and Tears

echoes of a banshee

she lets out a scream
of anger and pain
it shatters glass
and mirrors her brokenness within
but she now falls silent

blood

His blood brought me
eternal life
but still
i must undergo
death

wanderer

i came from roaming the streets
squinting all the while
the glaring lights
pain these vampire eyes

infatuation

In addition to diverting our attention from God, infatuation can cause problems for us because it is most often founded on illusion. When infatuated with somoeone, we tend to build up that person in our imaginations as the perfect guy or girl. We think we'd be happy forever if that person would return our affections. Of course, we can only sustain our silly crush because we've substituted fantasy for all the information we lack about the person. As soon as we get to know the person's true identity and discover that our "perfect" man or woman is human like everyone else, our dreams fade and we move on to a new crush.

~ Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye

like i said, crushable... disposable.

words of an atheist

If there is a God, it's going to be a whole lot bigger and a whole lot more incomprehensible than anything that any theologian of any religion has ever proposed.

~ Richard Dawkins

dirty water

Faith is not the opposite of reason. Faith rests squarely upon reason, but with the added component of revelation. So such discussions between scientists and believers happen quite readily. But neither scientists nor believers always embody the principles precisely. Scientists can have their judgment clouded by their professional aspirations. And the pure truth of faith, which you can think of as this clear spiritual water, is poured into rusty vessels called human beings, and so sometimes the benevolent principles of faith can get distorted as positions are hardened.

~ Francis Collins

(un)necessary risks

Real Men Risk Rejection

from krissy's blog. ^_^

summer in winterland

i took painkillers before my exam and i needed more after. but i resorted to my main lib coffee ritual. i took my usual walk to the sunken garden without spilling a drop. i sat down on a bench and i realized the reason why it was empty. the combination of the glare and the scorching sun was just painful and did nothing to help the brainfreeze i was experiencing then. i went looking for a shaded spot, coffee cup clumsily held in hand. i found one under a tree. and it reminded me of having shelter in the midst of a blizzard.

i looked around for something green. the trees seemed almost bare, their leaves like hair vanishing. most of the grass was brown save for a row.

summer in winterland. that was my condition within. painfully cold with the harsh winds. depressingly dry and burned out.

it rained earlier. my eyes weren't dry but my tears were shy. i saw a familiar bouncy walk not too far away before i went on my way. then i dropped by the tambayan and interrupted something for a hug and a not-so-good cry.

then came comfort in a friend's presence and in ice cream.

and prayers.

and blessings.

and now i'm hungry. so i must eat.

praise God for every little thing!

1 Peter 5:10

After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.

on death and dying

this strangely feels like a hangover
with every cell in my body screaming in pain
i would love to crawl into a grave and stay there
but i'll be dead in a while
i kept my groupmates waiting
i'll be off to class soon.


***i didn't have even a drop of alcohol yesterday and i've never been drunk.

drain

i finally pulled the plug
and watched
a dream go
down the drain
with a smile,
i said bye bye.

environment of grace

...speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ...

Ephesians 4:15

love without truth deceives
truth without love destroys

[from Forming a High Trust Culture]

Dreaming with a Broken Heart

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with your crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh

Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Would you get them if i did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

[John Mayer]

this song is stuck in my head. i heard it when we were working. it was so sad that it almost brought me to tears. i guess you could call it empathy.

sa uulitin

huwag kang magpapaapi
kasi kawawa naman sila kapag
pinagtanggol kita...

cheesemelt

bad day

i need a good cry. a very good cry. the database i worked on for hours crashed. it ate up the time supposed to be spent on my homework. i had to resort to an outdated back-up. the group meetings got rescheduled.

i am crushed enough to know that the Lord could take care of me in this mess i'm in.

stained

for a moment i looked back in longing
it was a glance i regret ever taking
delusions are my demons
and my bloodied hands are stained
with...
my beloved's

Voice of Truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat and then
on to the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
...

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes
to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone

Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
...

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
On top of them lookin' down
I soar with the wings of EAGLES
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe

I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

[Casting Crowns]

sunday morning was very eventful. i finally cleansed the room. been sleeping better since. it was also an opportunity to cry out to God and surrender all my fears.

some things

...could only be learned within the context of relationships

...like trust.

Water Under the Bridge

I do not love you the way I did when we met.
There are secrets and arguments I haven't finished yet.
But it's only that grace has outlived our regret that we're still here.

So maybe we can stay, 'til the last drop of water flows under the bridge,
We can stay, till the last drop of water flows under the bridge.

There are times meant for breaking, and words to ignore,
And a bent to our souls when our skin is at war.
And if leaving were freedom, well, we'd both walk right out of that door.

Maybe we can stay, 'til the last drop of water flows under the bridge,
We can stay, 'til the last drop of water flows.

And the years roll by, and you hold my hand, while the shadows stretch over the land.
Crumble and fall in my arms, and we'll struggle to hold on.
Waters they rise and they carry our hopes and dreams away, baby we can stay, stay.

And the years roll by, and you hold my hand, while the shadows stretch over the land.

Maybe we can stay, 'til the last drop of water flows under the bridge,
We can stay, 'til the last drop of water flows under the bridge,
We can stay 'til the last drop of water flows under the bridge.

[Jars of Clay]

i tremble.

how will i teach that which i do not know?
annoint my lips for they are unclean

all for Your glory.

pee bday, kuya butch!

i hope i (or it) met your expectations... ^_^

freedom

discipline.

sick cycle

you wake up from your delusions
only to find yourself caught in
another dream spiraling its way
into a recurring nightmare